


kill me, heal me (and lastly, tame me)

by naegahosh



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, Boss/Employee Relationship, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Major Personality/Physical Changes from Alcohol Consumption, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:34:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23330044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naegahosh/pseuds/naegahosh
Summary: Whenever Soonyoung drinks, he, for a lack of better word, transforms into a tiger.Or Soonyoung ends up sleeping with who appears to be his new boss at work. Plot ensues.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 24
Kudos: 199





	kill me, heal me (and lastly, tame me)

**Author's Note:**

> hello! it’s been 3 years since i've written a fic and idk why but i feel incredibly shy. but anyway. a certain human who thinks he is a tiger made it unbearable for me to come up with this wild au. please bear with me like you bear ksy's quirks.  
> +) i couldn't find the appropriate tags but there are appearances of a backstabbing ex-lover and rumors. also, this entire fic is based upon someone who deals with major personality/physical changes after alcohol consumption. the fic approaches the subject matter in a humorous manner as well as uses it as a catalyst for sexual/romantic relationship. if this strikes you as triggering or untasteful, i don’t recommend on you reading this fic.  
> ++) otherwise, please enjoy!  
> +++) the title has been taken from the famous k-drama [kill me, heal me]

Soonyoung doesn’t think he’s dreaded a single moment this bad. Not when his mom came home to find the kitchen microwave exploded, not when he was caught smoking in the school bathroom, and not even when he came out to his parents two years ago. Okay maybe that last one will forever win the race, but anyhow. _That’s_ how bad he is dreading this moment.

The whole floor goes silent as Soonyoung gets off the elevator and slowly makes way to the manager’s office. He gulps and squeezes his ID card hanging around his neck, the picture of his face and name disappearing into the crease.

Being part of SVT Cosmetics marketing team was a big deal. SVT was one of the biggest brands responsible for a portion of the nation’s economy, and SVT enterprise was about to launch a new makeup line. Until Soonyoung’s team of workers had accidentally leaked information outside and blew off the whole thing. It sounds bad, and honestly speaking, it’s exactly as bad as it sounds. It's also why the HQ had assigned a new manager for the team—and Soonyoung is currently going to see him for the first time—probably to get fired.

As he drags each step across the floor, Soonyoung can see his team in his peripherals; Seungkwan and Seokmin’s guilty faces and Nara’s smug smile. It’s not their fault, Soonyoung had taken the whole blame in the heat of the moment, and he can’t begin to say how immensely heroic he’d felt at the time until Jihoon’s told him it was an idiotic move and he honestly can’t agree more.

As fate has it, Soonyoung is finally at the door. He pushes and enters.

The new manager is sitting at his chair, his back to the neatly organized table and facing the panorama view of the cityscape. All Soonyoung can make out is a piece of paper in the new manager’s hands—it’s a print-out of Soonyoung’s picture and information. Maybe it’s the dramatics of this whole scene and scenario, but suddenly a tiny flicker of hope ignites. He’s made it this far. Maybe, _maybe_ _,_ he can save himself out of this. 

“Um,” He starts, feeling braver than he sounds. “Hello, sir. I’m Kwon Soonyoung.”

“So I’ve learned.” The man says without turning around. It’s curt, emotionless, and more than enough for Soonyoung to start blabbering on the spot.

“It was entirely an accident. You have to believe me—”

“Twenty-four, huh. I thought you’d be younger.”

“Please,” Soonyoung continues, “I promise that it won’t happen again,” His desperation finds way to the shiny silver nameplate on the table. “—Jeonghan-ssi, I know I made a mistake, but that was just _one_ mistake—”

Wait, why did that name roll off his tongue so familiarly?

“One mistake?”

Soonyoung is cut off before his memory can catch up to his thoughts. The chair spins and the man finally sees him eye to eye.

Oh my god.

Those big mischievous eyes are even more familiar than his name.

“I think you mean two.” His new boss says, and Soonyoung can almost see an overlap of the same face on top of him two days ago, red and sweaty as he’s fucking and fucking and fucking him in bed. Jeonghan grins.

“Your words, not mine… Soonyoung.”

**kill me, heal me (and lastly, tame me)**

Their regular bar on Friday night is as busy as it could get. Everyone’s excitement for the weekend is almost palpable in the air, except for one certain gloomy aura that wards people off and splits the crowd.

“I’m doomed.” Soonyoung mopes, body swaying in accordance with the bumps into his shoulder. “I’m going to get fired, end up homeless, and die cold and alone.”

Jihoon, in the midst of dragging him by the arm, gives him a dirty look. “You’re kidding. Your mom lives twenty minutes away.”

“Did I tell you that Jung Nara has always been bracing for me to fall to my doom? She’s going to take my place, there’s no question about it, and she’s a mean person. I thought good things happened to good people.”

Soonyoung sulks, following Jihoon further into the bar. “Do you think sales team will take me back? I shouldn't have accepted that promotion. What’s going to happen to me? My credit card bills? My student loans? My Netflix subscription?”

“You leech off my Netflix.”

“And you never let me forget it.” Soonyoung glares. He sighs. “Jihoon, I’m going to be fired. You probably can’t relate, but that’s kind of fatal for regular people with regular lives.”

When Soonyoung’s voice wanes into pure despair, Jihoon grants him a nod that’s probably supposed to come off all understanding. He probably doesn’t, granted how he’s a top freelance composer living a life Soonyoung will never have.

The bartender pushes two glasses of booze towards them and Jihoon and Soonyoung simultaneously chant,

“He doesn’t drink.” / “I don’t drink.”

“And you will never.” Jihoon barks, shivering as if to remember his friend’s drunk habit. Soonyoung simply scratches his nose.

“Just give him some coke.” Jihoon orders, telling Soonyoung to stay put as he walks away waving to someone across the bar.

So Soonyoung does what any good friend will do, sitting there like he’s been told. Except just when the bartender reaches for the coke he pipes,

“Hey, can you make that rum and coke without the rum?”

The last thing he wants is to sit at the bar with a can of soda. The bartender shoots him a flat look when someone slides into seat next to Soonyoung.

“How’s another rum and coke without the coke?” 

Soonyoung looks up. It’s a guy (duh of course), holding out a bill with an easy smile resting on his lips. The bartender rolls his eyes, grabs the cash, and starts preparing what’s essentially a glass of rum and a glass of coke.

The guy turns. His eyes are big, dark, and possess a mischievous glint. His hair is slightly long and wavy, and if Soonyoung is seeing right, he’s downright gorgeous.

“You sure you’re meant to be here?” The man laughs, and there’s something about his teasing smile that Soonyoung can define as almost _sly_. The drink slides across and lands in his palms.

“I can walk you to the pizza joint across the street if you want. That’ll probably sit well with your coke.”

“I _can_ drink.” Soonyoung responds defensively, realizing just how infantile he sounds. He attempts to redeem himself. “I’m just not allowed. Uh, that is, not from my mom, but from my friend.” Then it gets worse. “Uh, because you see I promised my, uh, self, and it's really complicated, oh my god—”

Soonyoung shuts himself up by picking up the drink in front of him slugging the whole thing down.

“…Wow, okay.” The guy says, also taking a sip. He frowns. “Hey, wait. I think we have the wrong drinks…”

He stops when Soonyoung brings up his hands and curls them into mid-fists. Like paws. The paws (hands) slowly slide up the guy’s leather jacket, snaking seductively around his shoulders. Fingers slightly perching on the dip of the guy’s collarbones, Soonyoung gazes deep into those big, now wide eyes. Before he can say anything, Soonyoung crinkles his brows and nose like a tantalizing cat. He slowly leans in, lips ghosting up until it reaches the guy’s ears.

" _Roar._ "

Soonyoung growls. 

\- 

For the better of his sake, Soonyoung thinks he should’ve never woken up.

He wakes up pleasantly to a warm aroma of toast and coffee—just until his whole world shatters with an excruciatingly throbbing headache. He clutches to his head, fragments of last night’s memories flashing before his eyes and jaw dropping in horror.

“Hey, tiger.”

Soonyoung whips up to see the guy from last night standing at the kitchen, freshly out of the showers and towel hanging around his torso. Looking downright gorgeous as he did the previous night. He pours himself some coffee.

“Sleep well?”

“Um,” Soonyoung coughs out, wide eyed and looking around. This was definitely not his apartment—it was way too large, nice, and yes very nice—and wait, what did the guy just call him? He then remembers _more_ —Soonyoung had somehow gotten drunk, they kissed, and they had sex.

The self-loathing is real, but also, if this man had played along with his horrible, _horrible_ drinking habit, there’s a good chance that he is also very crazy.

“Listen, uh…”

“Jeonghan.” The guy quirks his brow. “You called—growled—my name like a hundred times last night.” 

Indeed, he’d had.

_Jeonghan, yes, Jeonghan… yes, yes, Jeonghan—_

The memory strikes him in a flash, the throbbing at his temples intensifying. “Right. Jeonghan.”

“I’ve seen happy drunks, sad drunks, violent drunks… but you. You’re… ”

Jeonghan approaches and sits on the foot of the bed. He seems at a loss for words, so Soonyoung dumbly croaks for him.

“Tiger drunk.”

“Yeah… You’re like, really freaky in bed.” Jeonghan grins. “And there’s plenty of time for another round.”

That jolts Soonyoung up.

“Um, no, there isn’t going to be _another round_. I gotta go.”

Clumsily holding the blanket around his bare body, Soonyoung scuttles around the large room, picking up pieces of his clothing and putting them on rather ungracefully. Soonyoung almost yelps in surprise when he whirls around and Jeonghan—still half naked—is standing right in front of him.

“Hey, if this is about your little drunk-fetish-freak show thing, it’s okay—”

“It’s not.” In an attempt to stop him, Soonyoung holds up his hands which briefly brush against Jeonghan’s chest, and quickly retrieves them back. “This usually doesn’t happen.”

“What doesn’t usually happen? Your little show? Or the sex?”

“Both.” Soonyoung snaps. Jeonghan pauses.

“Well… did you like it?”

He gazes into Soonyoung’s eyes intently, and Soonyoung is revived of the same words he’s heard last night as Jeonghan continued to fuck into him, grip hard on his ass and hot breath at his ears.

_Do you like this?_

A surge of heat mounting to his face, Soonyoung grabs the last of his belongings and heads for the door. Jeonghan is quicker though.

“Hey, I still don’t know your name.” He says, a hand on Soonyoung’s shoulder. “You know mine.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Soonyoung shakes Jeonghan off—shakes the heat off—before running away.

“Last night was a mistake. A big mistake.” 

-

Big, obviously, was a big understatement. Soonyoung can’t believe the man he’d hooked up with (and fled from) is in the office a few cubicles down, all of his information in hand, not to mention his worst nightmarish secret just ready to be publicized to the whole world. 

Soonyoung doesn’t know when it all started. Yes, tigers have always been his favourite animal ever since he was a little kid, but that couldn’t have been harmful. Hundreds of little children love tigers.

When Soonyoung drinks, he, for a lack of better word, _transforms._ With an unusual drive for primary instinct. It’s been this way ever since he’s dipped his lips in alcohol, and your high school crush’s girlfriend screaming at you to back off while the said crush recommended you on finding a shrink couldn’t have been the best way to find out (it wasn’t).

So he stays away from alcohol. Not to mention romantic relationships in general, so Soonyoung is downright appalled that it happened without his control.

To make matters worse, Soonyoung is not fired.

“What are you doing here?!” He’d ended up squawking. Jeonghan, not looking a tiny bit fazed, pretends to read off paper.

“Kwon Soonyoung, twenty-four, joined company in 2018, leaked top info and f-ed up the year’s most anticipated project. Let me add a little something—scratches your back too much in bed.”

Still hurts, Jeonghan grumbles, but Soonyoung doesn’t hear it over the jarring reality that’s shaking and spinning everything.

“I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this.”

“You know, if I’d known I’d see you here, I wouldn’t have wasted my weekend trying to find you… _Soonyoung._ ”

“Why didn’t you say anything?!”

“Let me think. Because my work life is so much more fascinating than the fact that we had sex… _Soonyoung._ ” 

“Why are you saying my name at the end of every sentence?”

“I’m just gloating over the fact that I know your name now even though you were mean about it.”

From the side of his view, Soonyoung notices that few people have gathered by the window to see what the fuss is about. They probably think Soonyoung is being told off harshly, getting screamed at by the new boss. Soonyoung quickly scurries over to shut the blinds. He turns, trying to get his thoughts straight. He sees Jeonghan smirking, clearly enjoying every second of this, and decides it’s not worth it. He’s not thinking straight.

“Okay, you know what?” He says. “Go ahead. Fire me.” 

Jeonghan leans back in his chair, amused. “Now why would I do that?”

“Because,” Soonyoung replies, feeling like he’s digging his own grave. “I ruined the project, broke office ethics, and… was rude to you.”

“Yeah all that… and let you off that easy?” Jeonghan grins. “Oh, you’re staying. You’re staying and you’re going to fix your mistake.”

Before Soonyoung could question _which one?_ his new boss gives him a simple wave of his hand.

“Dismissed.”

And the next couple of days had been like walking on thin ice. Soonyoung came to work being as most invisible as he could be, incase Jeonghan caught the sight of him and decided he was feeling too bored. But even by Friday Jeonghan hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary, which in retrospect, was even more unsettling.

“Hey,”

Soonyoung jolts out of his seat at the gentle touch on his shoulder. It’s just Seokmin, looking even more surprised than Soonyoung at his jumpy behavior.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay. What’s up?” Soonyoung sighs, noticing the large bundle of files in Seokmin’s arms.

“Uh, the boss wants you to make some photocopies.”

Soonyoung frowns. “Photocopies? Don’t we have a secretary for that?”

“Um… Yeah that’s what I said, but he specifically asked me to tell you to do it.”

Soonyoung scowls. Sure, he did just say that Jeonghan hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary, but he sure had been marvelously annoying in multiple wonderous ways. Like cutting him off mid-sentence at every meeting. Vetoing his every lunch suggestion. Sending all his reports back for the stupidest reasons (i.e. ‘the font hurts my eyes’). On top of that, whenever Seokmin and Seungkwan came by to help, Jeonghan would notice immediately and call them in to do some other work. 

“Hyung, I don’t want to probe, but did you get on his bad side or something?”

Seokmin asks cautiously, placing _(dropping)_ the bundle _(heap)_ of papers on Soonyoung’s desk. The top few slide down the pile to land anticlimactically by Soonyoung’s feet.

“I thought everything went okay on Monday.”

“Sure, if you ignore the part where I said the new manager is a psycho.”

Before Seokmin can respond, the manager’s office door flings open.

“Seokmin-ssi, did you finish the report I asked you to do?” Jeonghan asks, arms crossed and leaning against the doorframe. “I’d like to see it if you don’t mind.”

“Yes, sir.”

Seokmin replies robotically, whispering a _shit, gotta go_ , under his breath. As Seokmin hastily fumbles back to his desk, Jeonghan and Soonyoung’s eyes lock somewhere in between. Soonyoung thinks Jeonghan may have smiled (and winked), but he can’t say for sure since he spins around as fast as he can, gathers the cluster of papers, and stomps away towards the copy room.

He realizes in minutes why Jeonghan had specifically requested him to do the job. The original copies were out of order, and double-sided jobs were impossible to achieve unless Soonyoung had to manually place each page correctly no matter how dull and tedious the task was. It’s long past his working hours by the time he’s finished, and Soonyoung can hear imaginary creaks as he moves new joints to pile the papers in a box and goes back to the empty office. He should’ve seen it coming, really, when the height of the pile surpassed his vision of view, but he trips on something, releasing the box in the process, and the papers go flying in all directions. Soonyoung almost feels like crying, but nonetheless crouches down to pick them up. He struggles to retrieve one that’s somehow slipped under the tiny space between a desk and the floor, when the desk is suddenly lifted, making way for Soonyoung to grab the paper easily. 

“Thanks.” Soonyoung’s smile fades when he looks up. He should try better, but as circumstances stand, he can’t help it.

“You know, you don’t have to do everything I’m telling you to do.” Jeonghan cocks his head, looking down at him.

Soonyoung gets up to his feet, brows scrunching in disbelief. “I have to, you’re my boss.”

“Or, maybe you _want_ to.”

“What?” Disbelief turns to annoyance in a matter of seconds. “I don’t.”

“Are you sure?”

Jeonghan’s eyes glint in that mischievous way again, and Soonyoung scowls harder to show that he’s not amused in any way.

“So sure.”

There’s a pause, and Jeonghan’s smile turns to one of perplexity.

“So the reason you did everything is because…”

“I don’t want to lose my job.”

Soonyoung finishes for him. Jeonghan stares. And by the time Soonyoung can barely resist the urge to grab the pair of scissors next to them to cut the tension in the air, Jeonghan starts laughing and shaking his head. As if Soonyoung is the insane one here. He sighs and steps a little closer to flick off dust that’s gathered on Soonyoung’s shirt.

“So you must think I’m a horrible boss.”

It’s most likely a trick question, but Soonyoung’s mouth is too quick for his brain. And honest.

“Pretty much.”

Jeonghan laughs again, but something about his current demeanor tells him that while Jeonghan is a very calculating person, Soonyoung had thrown the man completely off track. Jeonghan rubs his neck, scanning Soonyoung as if to read his expression.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were this dense.”

Soonyoung crosses his arms. “I think you should try again.”

“I swear I thought you were just playing along.” Jeonghan says defensively, “I was trying to get your attention.”

“Excuse me?”

“Listen. I didn’t know how else to do it. You’re not exactly enthusiastic about your boss being a guy you hooked up with one time.” He smirks when Soonyoung looks around in panic, continuing without a care. “I’m stuck in my office while you’re out here, with other people constantly buzzing around you, and I just wanted you to be aware that I was, you know. Here.”

Now it’s Soonyoung’s turn to stare back, annoyance switching back over to disbelief. He thinks he hears something click in his head.

“Are you trying to say all this time you were annoying the crap out of me, you were actually _flirting_ with me?”

Jeonghan pouts, or at least feigns hurt by dragging down the corners of his mouth.

“Did it work a little bit?”

Soonyoung wants to say no, but if Jeonghan’s ultimate goal was to remind him of his existence constantly, he can’t say it didn’t work.

“Let me make it up to you.” Jeonghan says before Soonyoung can respond. “How about I take you out to dinner and starting next week, I’ll start courting you more conventionally.”

Pretending he didn’t hear that last part, Soonyoung nods. He _is_ feeling very hungry and he isn’t about to pass up a free meal. Jeonghan grins. He grabs Soonyoung by the hand and starts heading out when Soonyoung points to the remaining papers on the floor.

“What about these?”

“Oh, those.”

Forgiveness finds its way as a possibility when Jeonghan collects all the papers, stacks them neatly, and wait—drops them all into the recycling bin.

“I told you, I was flirting.” Jeonghan explains.

Soonyoung storms out.

-

“Come on, I said I’m sorry.”

Jeonghan whispers to Soonyoung who is sitting across from him, arms crossed over his chest, and refusing to touch the big juicy steak on his plate. The waiter comes over, re-filling Jeonghan’s glass with red wine and setting down a glass of coke in front of Soonyoung. He eyes both of them in confusion when Soonyoung’s stomach growls loudly enough to reach the other tables around them. Jeonghan chuckles, quickly fixing his expression when Soonyoung’s glare intensifies. He clears his throat.

“Aww, do you want me to spoon-feed you, babe?”

Jeonghan practically shouts, deliberately so and waving a piece of steak in front of Soonyoung’s mouth. It successfully gets the younger male to straighten in alarm, hastily grabbing Jeonghan’s fork to shove the meat into his mouth. He glares at Jeonghan threateningly, but Jeonghan only smiles, his eyes bending into pretty twin crescents. Soonyoung has come to know that that’s what he does, regardless of various circumstances.

On the other hand, the steak tastes heavenly, he has to admit.

“I don’t understand.” Soonyoung says flatly, “Why are you so into me? I hate to say this but you can probably have anyone you want.”

“Yeah, I probably can. But where’s the fun in that?”

Soonyoung gets up to leave.

“I’m kiddiiiiiiiiing,” Jeonghan holds Soonyoung’s arm. “Stay for the food?” He feigns a pleading pout, grinning when Soonyoung sits back down. 

“What I mean is, I _can_ … even though you’re a little difficult.” Jeonghan pushes the plate away to clear space. He’s only finished half of it, but that’s how he probably stays so irritatingly attractive. He rests his chin over his hand, watching Soonyoung finish his big portion. “Worth it, though.” 

Soonyoung rolls his eyes.

“Look. I don’t understand why we can’t enjoy each other’s _company_.” Jeonghan continues, ignoring Soonyoung’s snort at the choice of his words. “I like you, I like our compatibility in bed, and I think it’ll be fun.”

Soonyoung munches down a rather thick slice and swallows. “What exactly are you suggesting?”

“All I’m saying is that we can have a bit of fun. Think of it as a game. I think your little horny kitty character needs liberating more often,”—Soonyoung starts choking at this, and Jeonghan hands him a glass of water—“And there’s no need to be worried or ashamed about it when you’re with me. I don’t really care.”

Face flaring red—from choking or embarrassment, Soonyoung can’t tell—he stares. He can’t believe he’s feeling this way but hilarious as this is, there’s something touching about the fact that there’s someone who isn’t caging a part of him away when even Soonyoung himself has, all his life.

“Seriously.”

Jeonghan sounds genuine.

“We don’t have to tell anybody. It’ll be strictly professional. We’ll arrange rules or something. Sign a contract. Anything you want, as long as you agree to it.”

Maybe it’s the glistening chandelier over his head, or the smooth jazz music playing in the background. Maybe it’s the fact that Soonyoung is feeling all warm and full from the expensive meal. But mostly it’s the fact that Jeonghan is honestly really _really_ attractive, and Soonyoung can only resist so much. Besides, it was only going to be a game.

“Alright, fine.”

Soonyoung nods and reaches for Jeonghan’s glass of wine. He drinks all of it.

“Let’s do it.” 

-

Jeonghan’s house is dark and cold. So cold, as a matter of fact, that Jeonghan in turn feels way too hot against his mouth and skin. Soonyoung clings to him for warmth, feet stumbling back from the weight Jeonghan’s kiss carries. Jeonghan trips over something on the floor and accidentally slams Soonyoung against the wall.

“Shit, sorry.” Jeonghan pulls away, caressing the back of his head.

“Don’t.” Soonyoung reaches up, overlapping their hands and fisting a handful of his hair. “Be rough with me.” 

“Wow. How does someone transform so completely?”

Jeonghan laughs, glancing up and down as if he needs time to adjust. But for the love of god Soonyoung really can’t wait, so he kisses him again, shuddering in satisfaction when Jeonghan starts trailing his lips down his neck, sucking, biting. Soonyoung tips on his toes, rubbing his middle and hungry for more.

“How did you keep this hidden for so long?” Jeonghan says in a breath, clothes coming off quicker than his words. Soonyoung doesn’t respond. His mind is full of one thing and it only, animalistic instincts overriding everything else. He pushes Jeonghan into bed, naked and hard, kissing him over and over and over. Soonyoung’s head is a cloud of red wine, wet lips, and tongue, _so much tongue_.

“Ow,” Jeonghan hisses. “I'm bleeding.”

Soonyoung ignores him. Jeonghan’s hand slips between his bare legs as if to pay back, sweeping and thumbing, and causing him to wrench his head. Their kiss is anything but gentle, mostly driven with lust. It’s wild, bodies tumbling in bed, almost as if to fight for dominance. Jeonghan finally wins, pinning Soonyoung down between his legs.

“Hard to tame, aren’t you?” Jeonghan says. Soonyoung snarls in protest, pushing Jeonghan back and climbing on top to face Jeonghan’s cock—now nice and hard. Soonyoung feels short of breath, aroused for an appetite. Wrapping his hands around it, Soonyoung dips his head, taking it into his mouth as far as he can. Jeonghan groans, somewhere below his ass and hot breath close to where it’s contracting in anticipation. Soonyoung keeps his mouth wide, slowly going lower and lower.

“Soonyoung,” Jeonghan pants. “Watch your teeth.”

Soonyoung obliges, greedy for more, greedy to have all of him. He takes it, bit by bit, until he’s taken the whole thing in. He feels the tip of it rub against his throat, testing his limits. Tears start to brim and drip from his eyes, but he keeps sucking and sucking until he can’t feel his jaws anymore.

“There’s my good boy. Nice kitty.” He hears Jeonghan say.

Then what comes next is like a shockwave of electricity passing through his whole body. Jeonghan holds his ass open and inserts a finger. Soonyoung shivers and nearly cries, the noise muffled from having a full mouth. Jeonghan continues to work his fingers; first one, and gradually two, then three, and Soonyoung’s whole body starts trembling with pleasure.

“Oh my god, Jeonghan—”

Soonyoung forgets to suck, unable to do anything but cry and pant and _feel_. He tries to get up, unable to bear it, but huge waves of pleasure knocks him down each time and he just can’t. It’s too much, but not enough at the same time.

“Yes, _yes—_ ” Then suddenly Soonyoung is flipped on his back, the sudden emptiness below him making him writhe in literal _pain_.

“God, I hope you remember this.” Jeonghan says, also sounding impatient. He reaches to the side table for a condom and puts it on, grabbing Soonyoung’s ankles to open him up. He presses in slowly.

“Shit,” Jeonghan says, “ _Fuck,_ you feel so good—”

Once he splits his way in, Jeonghan doesn’t stop fucking. Soonyoung’s entire mind goes white—fingers can’t compare to how he feels now—and there is absolutely no control of whatever is happening. His back arches like a bow, mouth gasps for air, toes and fingers curl until they turn white. Every time Jeonghan enters, he’s flooded with exalting surges that drown him breathless. He lets his mouth go slack, only able to slip out moans of raw pleasure and Jeonghan’s name.

“Jeong, han,” Soonyoung pants, body rocking up and down. “yes, _yes_ , fuck, me—”

Jeonghan responds by kissing him, thrusting deeper and deeper, pressing places Soonyoung never knew existed. Everything is so hot like he’s burning from top to bottom, but Soonyoung wants, no, _needs_ more. He coils his legs around Jeonghan’s body and embraces him like his life depends on it. Jeonghan holds him tighter, making Soonyoung’s cock rub against his flat stomach. Soonyoung thinks he might pass out, but he would rather die than have it stop. He throws his head back, clawing around Jeonghan’s shoulders, not realizing how deep his nails are digging into the skin. 

“I’m coming,” Soonyoung pants, his vision blurry and voice hoarse. The lower half of his body dangles over the mattress, Jeonghan’s grasp tight around his waist as he fucks and fucks and fucks. The whole thing is closer to animals mating than sex.

Soonyoung comes first, and Jeonghan fucks deep one last time before coming after him. When Jeonghan slips out, Soonyoung shudders at the feeling. It’s cold and empty, and Soonyoung’s body yearns to be filled again. He sits on Jeonghan and faces him, whose pupils take a second or two before regaining focus. Soonyoung kisses him, slowly and deeply, before parting away and giving him a seductive roar.

“Let’s do that again.”

Jeonghan laughs and calls him nice kitty.

Soonyoung loses count of how many times they come.

-

“Okay, let’s lay down some ground rules.” Soonyoung says, a hand on his aching pelvis and the other on his throbbing head.

The sun is too bright for his wellbeing, Jeonghan is still wet from the shower, the aroma of coffee is in the air—but unfortunately this case of deja-vu is not a freaking delusion. 

“Honestly, it’s astonishing how different you are.” Jeonghan comments, looking amused. “Do you remember anything?”

“Mostly flashes here and there.” Soonyoung replies. “But I get it. We have good sex together. You want to have fun, and it’s probably healthy that I let my secret desires out without traumatizing anyone.”

“Amazing recap.” Jeonghan smirks. “A+.”

As much as Soonyoung hates to admit it, he has never felt better. It’s as though the heavy sack of shame, guilt and contempt he’s been carrying around for _years_ has been lifted off his shoulders. Sure, he is super hungover (two bottles? really?) and his body is beyond sore (did sex always hurt this much?), but something inside him felt free. Light. Unbound.

Moreover, Jeonghan seems to be perfectly fine with his erratic behavior. He eyes the older who male who hums as he pours himself a cup of coffee. Soonyoung sighs. That was new. 

“First off, once is enough.”

“What?” Jeonghan gapes, hands up in defense. “Don’t blame me, You’re the one who kept sitting on my—.”

“Doesn’t matter. I literally transform into a sex-crazed animal, so you need to take responsibility.” Soonyoung argues back, “Thank god it's the weekend but how am I supposed to go to work if it’s a week day?”

“Five times.” Jeonghan demands.

“Two.”

“Four.”

“ _Two._ ”

“Fine.” Jeonghan grumbles.

“Second, we strictly keep this a secret. Outside, we are merely a boss and an employee.”

“Fine.”

“I’m serious, you can’t tell anybody.” Soonyoung repeats firmly. “No one.”

Jeonghan chuckles. “You have my word.”

“Third,” Soonyoung hesitates before voicing the last one. “Don’t take offense to me employing this like treatment.”

That seems to make Jeonghan pause before bringing his coffee to his mouth. Soonyoung continues.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not exactly fond of my condition.”

“Sure.” Jeonghan shrugs and smiles. “It was my idea anyway.”

“What about you?” Soonyoung asks, limping his way over and taking the toast Jeonghan has been buttering for himself. “Anything you want to add?”

Jeonghan falls in thought, watching Soonyoung who munches away on breakfast.

“You aren’t allowed to drink with anyone else but me.” Jeonghan states. “Don’t even join drinking events, unless I’m around.”

“Okay.” Soonyoung nods without a thought. He doesn’t drink anyways.

“Also if you’re to see anyone else, you have to break up with me first.”

Soonyoung stops munching. “So, we’re… exclusive?”

Jeonghan raises his brows. “What, you were thinking about dating other men as you come to my apartment to fuck?”

“Well no,” Soonyoung admits, but something about that rule feels like it shifts things slightly. Intimately. “Okay, fine.”

“And me?” Jeonghan leans against the countertop to meet Soonyoung’s eyes at level. “Should I let you know if I want to see other people?”

Soonyoung blinks. He’s definitely joking, voice light and playful. But something about his gaze is heavy and solid, and it reminds him of what he saw when they were fucking, before Jeonghan closed his eyes and came into him.

“Do whatever you want.” Soonyoung frowns.

Jeonghan laughs, ruffling Soonyoung’s hair before walking towards the bathroom.

“I’m not a pet! Don’t _do_ that when I’m not drunk!”

Soonyoung yells after Jeonghan, only to have his eyes land on the visible scratch marks on Jeonghan’s back.

God, he had problems.

-

The next few weeks fly by in a blink. He’s busy, but good busy. The kind that you open your eyes to a clear head and hearty appetite, to go back to sleep as soon as your head touches the pillow without useless thoughts pestering you deep into the night.

Soonyoung doesn’t think he’s ever been so in routine.

_Content._

He wakes up in Jeonghan’s bed three times a week. They eat breakfast together, and Soonyoung heads out first to take the bus to work while Jeonghan drives. They barely talk to each other at work, just acknowledging each other’s presence as any other coworkers would. They engage in discussions during meetings, offer small talk during group lunches, and even remain civil when no one else is around. Jeonghan gets off work first, and Soonyoung leaves half an hour later. He stops by the gym for an hour of exercise and leaves the building where Jeonghan is waiting to pick him up with the back seat full of groceries and wine. Sometimes beer. Or soju. It depends on what they’ll be having for dinner, or sometimes they just eat out altogether. But mostly they eat at home, considering how quickly Soonyoung may… lose control. 

On weekends, they don’t contact each other.

“What are we having for dinner?” Soonyoung asks, bored from watching TV. He peers over Jeonghan’s shoulder, who is chopping vegetables against the wooden board. Something’s bubbling in a pot, and the air smells warm and delicious.

“Pasta with zucchini and tomatoes.” Jeonghan answers. Soonyoung watches in awe as Jeonghan’s steady hands move in swift motions, every slice coming out smooth and identical.

“Um, anything I can help you with?” Soonyoung asks, feeling guilty for always making Jeonghan cook for the both of them. Last time Soonyoung tried, he’d burnt an entire pan of kimchi fried rice, not to mention almost the whole kitchen. Since then, Jeonghan always cooked and Soonyoung washed the dishes.

“Actually, yeah.” Jeonghan turns suddenly, “Can you just move my hair out of my eyes? I don’t want to touch anything while I’m doing this.”

Soonyoung nods and leans closer. Jeonghan stops and keeps still, eyes lowered and waiting. Few strands of dark hair hang past his brows, dangling just over his eyes. Big, doe-like eyes, so different from his own narrow ones. They look even fuller, with long brown lashes, slightly fluttering. He carefully tucks them to the side and pushes Jeonghan’s hair back. Runs his fingers through them, once, no twice, for good measure. Jeonghan looks up at that moment and their gazes lock on each other. Soonyoung steps back, looking away.

“Done.” He says.

“Thanks.” Jeonghan says.

Soonyoung knows too well that it’s when he looks into Jeonghan’s eyes that he remembers what they do during the night. The memories rush back to him— _Soonyoung, fuck, Soonyoung, you’re so tight—_

“Oh, shoot.” Jeonghan suddenly says. “I forgot to get vinegar. Wait here for a minute, I’ll be right back.”

Jeonghan turns off the stove and grabs his keys, preparing to go outside.

“Can I come?” Soonyoung blurts out.

He must be so bored.

Apparently Jeonghan has needed a lot more than just vinegar. He insists on needing a shopping cart, and has Soonyoung strolling it down the aisles while he prances around here and there and chucks a variety of items into the cart. Vinegar isn’t one of them.

“Don’t we need toothpaste?” Jeonghan asks, and Soonyoung wants to snap _I don’t know_ , but the truth is that he _does_ know, and the answer is yes.

“Yes.” He tells him. “And body wash too.”

Soonyoung grabs a citrus scented body wash and is about to put it in the cart when Jeonghan snatches it out of his hands.

“Let’s get the strawberry one.” He says, causing Soonyoung to chuckle.

“What, are you five?” 

“No, I just think you’d go better with strawberries.”

Jeonghan’s eyes literally gleam in the definition of _annoying_ —probably anticipating some kind of satisfying reaction—laughing nonetheless when he merely receives a jab in the ribs.

It’s at times like these that Soonyoung knows Jeonghan simply thinks all of this as a game. And infuriatingly enough, Jeonghan is really, _really_ good at playing his part. And Soonyoung… well sometimes he's not so sure.

They play twenty questions on the ride back home. Soonyoung frowns, or laughs, depending on the absurdity of Jeonghan’s answers. He helps Jeonghan pick out which plates to use in the kitchen. They eat together on the couch side by side, watching television, occasionally snickering or commenting on the show. When they finish, Soonyoung takes the plates, does the dishes and comes back to find Jeonghan waiting for him with two glasses of wine on the coffee table. Soonyoung reaches past it and grabs the bottle, gulping down as much as he can in one go. He feels dizzy, and he knows he won’t be in control much longer.

When Soonyoung opens his eyes again, all he knows is that he’s burning up with insatiability that needs to be resolved. He eases at the sight of Jeonghan, eager to follow his instinct that’s telling him to touch him, kiss him.

He sighs at the touch that wraps firmly around his waist, the soft lips on his mouth. It ignites flame to Soonyoung’s hunger, and he kisses back, losing himself to the dark. 

-

“So you guys are fuck buddies.” Jihoon deadpans. “That never ends well.”

Jihoon’s studio is an exact replica of what Jihoon would look like if he was a recording studio. It’s modest but spacious enough to carry a fridge, a comfy couch, various instruments and the equipment he needs, minimalistic yet practical at the same time. The top frame of the walls glow in neon blue, eliciting a hip, somewhat cocktail bar vibes as it mixes with magenta pink lights shimmering from a sign on the opposite wall. It reads Woozi’s Room.

“There are plenty of people who have friends with benefits.” Soonyoung argues, sitting on Jihoon’s couch. As if to convince himself, Soonyoung brings his knees closer and tightens his grip. “And besides, we aren’t just fuck buddies. It helps me.”

“There is absolutely no medical proof that this is helping you.” Jihoon says, throwing off his headphones. He clicks something on his mouse, and his monitor of colourful compositions zip into blackness.

“Listen. I’m glad you found someone that you can finally fuck,”—Soonyoung glares—“but the premise of your relationship sounds astonishingly stupid. How exactly is this helping you?”

Soonyoung doesn’t know how to explain to Jihoon that having aggressive sex with Jeonghan makes his life better. He tries simulating it in his head in about ten different ways, but none of them work. He gives up. 

“I don’t know, Jihoon.” Soonyoung finally says, throwing a cushion at Jihoon. His friend catches it far too easily. “It made a lot more sense when Jeonghan said it.”

“Uh huh. I’m sure the guy that wanted to get in your pants was heck of a lot convincing.”

Jihoon responds sarcastically. Then he takes one look at Soonyoung, sighing deeply.

“Soonyoung, what if—” He stops, searching for the right words as he punches the cushion aimlessly. “You know, I just—”

Soonyoung helps.

“You’re worried that Jeonghan might be like Taewoo.”

“Yes.” Jihoon says in frustration. “I don’t want to see that happen again.”

All Soonyoung had done was tell his boyfriend that he didn’t want to see him again. Soonyoung refused to drink, and his boyfriend at the time tried to force him to have unwanted sex until Soonyoung fought back and broke Taewoo’s arm. When he went to school the next day, everyone was looking at him, whispering about him, giggling, scowling or cat-calling, showing their contempt in one way or another. It was deliberately done, full of cruel intentions, and Soonyoung could tell everyone knew about his secret from the names he was called by. University was a nightmare set in real life that he could never re-live again. It was also the reason why Soonyoung could never bring himself to get involved with anyone anymore. Until Jeonghan showed up. 

“I know.” Soonyoung says. “But Jeonghan is a nice guy.”

“…”

“I think.”

“You thought that asshole was nice.”

“Aww, are you worried about me?” Soonyoung grins. “Are ya? Are ya?”

“No, I’m worried about _me_.” Jihoon scowls and wheels around in his chair, setting the cushion behind his head and getting comfortable.

“And even if that’s true, you’re going to crash and burn in one way or another, Kwon Soonyoung. I know you, and this is not going to end well.”

Soonyoung frowns. So much for a best friend moment.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ll see what I mean. Give or take two weeks.”

“Lee Jihoon, I swear to god—” Soonyoung bolts up, another cushion in hand.

“Mark my words. Crash and—” Jihoon doesn’t get to finish.

But perhaps—Soonyoung thinks in hindsight—maybe he should’ve let Jihoon finish. Soonyoung is on the brink of crashing. And he’s more than a thousand percent sure that it’s Jihoon fault. He’s the one that planted the idea into his head in the first place.

Soonyoung tries his best to focus on his task at hand. Check the papers spread out in front of him, countless data waiting to be organized, input, and sent to HQ by the end of the day. He hardly types in two words before his attention snakes its way back to the two people standing five meters away.

It’s Jeonghan and Nara, chatting in the middle of the floor for what now seems to be fifteen whole minutes. Not that anyone is counting. The piece of paper that Nara approached Jeonghan with is long abandoned in the conversation, and they’re just prattling and laughing about god knows what. Nara starts giggling and tucks her hair behind her ears, showing off her slim neckline. Either Jeonghan is idiotically oblivious or he certainly _knows_ , clearly enjoying what she has to offer. But it’s Yoon Jeonghan. He knows. And who cares? It shouldn’t bother Soonyoung at all.

It doesn't.

It doesn't.

It does. As much as it makes Soonyoung want to pull out his hair, it does. He’s convinced it’s because there are people chatting unproductively in front of him while he’s trying to get some work done, or it’s the combination of two people that he wouldn’t mind kicking in the shins.

Jeonghan throws a dumb joke that Nara laughs a bit too hysterically at, slapping his arm flirtatiously. Soonyoung’s finger slips on the mouse and clicks on the wrong thing.

Simultaneously, something else clicks inside his head.

“ _Shit._ ”

“Are you okay, hyung?” Seungkwan asks from the side. “You look sick.”

“Yeah I’m fine.” Soonyoung replies, face pale.

In truth, Soonyoung is far from fine. Anything but fine. He gets another kick of the same shitty feeling when Jeonghan texts him an hour later.

_[Do you mind if we skip tonight? I think I might be busy.]_

Soonyoung texts back.

_[Sure.]_

Nara had casually asked Jeonghan over to her house, and he’d said yes. Not that he was eavesdropping—for fuck’s sake, he _wasn’t_ —but Soonyoung can’t unhear somebody if she was to obnoxiously chat on her phone about her personal plans two cubicles down. 

_[Thanks. See you on Monday.]_

Soonyoung glares at his phone screen that lights up with Jeonghan’s reply. He marches straight into the bathroom, turns on the tab, and splashes his face with cold water. Cold water seeps into his shirt and sleeves but Soonyoung keeps going until his guts don’t burn so intolerably like it did ever since the moment it clicked.

It was jealousy. He couldn’t deny it. What he couldn’t wrap his head around though, was how. How did this happen?

 _It’s not my fault_ , Soonyoung thinks. _Jeonghan was supposed to tell me if he was to see somebody, remember?_

 _Well, no._ Another voice replies. _He asked if he should tell you but you said he could do whatever he wants._

After glaring at his own reflection, Soonyoung goes back to his desk and uses work to push everything else out of his mind. It ends up being counterproductive though, because Soonyoung finishes much too quickly and he has nothing else to do except let his eyes narrow and ears perk whenever Nara and Jeonghan do so as much as glance at each other. It drives Soonyoung absolutely crazy that he groans and smashes his head onto his desk.

Seungkwan looks at him in worry.

But as all bad days have it, they tend to prolong with more pits for you to fall into. Soonyoung opens the door to the copy room when he bumps into someone already inside. It’s Jeonghan. 

“Oh hey,” Jeonghan smiles. “Sorry, we’re blocking your way.”

It’s Jeonghan _and_ Nara, both holding coffees from the café across the road.

“That’s fine. I’ll just come back later.” Soonyoung turns around to leave when Jeonghan grabs him by the arm.

“Hey, you okay?” He asks, inspecting Soonyoung from side to side. “You don’t look so good.”

When he comes closer, Soonyoung unconsciously pushes him away. Both Jeonghan and Nara look at him in surprise, and Soonyoung feels his face flush red with something—he can’t tell where it’s coming from; is it embarrassment? Jealousy? Fuck, is it Jeonghan? 

“I’m fine.” His voice is tense even to his own ears.

Soonyoung quickly leaves the copy room and barely registers how the rest of the day goes. He rides the bus back home, remembers he didn’t buy any groceries because he was supposed to spend the night at Jeonghan’s, and orders pizza. It’s been a while since he’d last spent a Friday by himself at his house. He watches a bit of TV, rearranges the furniture in his living room, and vacuums the floor. When he’s done, he turns on the TV, flips through a few channels, and turns it off again. No sign of pizza yet. He calls Jihoon.

“Wow. It’s been a million years since you’ve called me on a Friday night.”

“It has not.” Soonyoung rolls his eyes. “Do you want to come over tonight? I ordered pizza!”

“Sorry. I’m working late tonight.” Jihoon answers, deflating Soonyoung’s shoulders.

“Jihoon…”

“Don’t make me feel bad when I already know I’m your only friend.”

That makes it easier for Soonyoung to hang up. He scrolls through his list of contacts just to know that Jihoon is right. His social circle sort of disintegrated after that incident in university and Soonyoung just never went out of his way to meet people. He contemplates on calling Seokmin, but he doesn’t want to risk calling him in the middle of his date. Seungkwan had mentioned earlier today about it being his sister’s birthday.

Soonyoung falls back on his couch, staring at the ceiling. Time ticks by louder than usual. And that eerie buzzing of white noise had the tendency to bring uninvited thoughts and questions. Questions like how did he manage to crash and burn? They keep coming, compelled to form some kind of logic in the process and utterly out of Soonyoung’s control.

Well, Jeonghan is the first and only person who knows about his secret and to tell him that it’s okay. Soonyoung is totally himself around him, a hundred percent, and not be scared to pull a wrong move at the wrong time. Sure, Jihoon is another of those people, but it’s different. Jeonghan has been there at his utmost moments of intimacy and vulnerability. So it’s not his fault that Jeonghan gives him a sense of comfort and attachment, not to mention stir a different _deeper_ kind of sentiment that’s been creeping up and surfacing at times when it shouldn’t at all. That’s not part of the agreement, and Soonyoung can’t let his petty feelings ruin the whole thing because without it, he would become alone again.

It’s out of sheer impulse when he sits upright and picks up his phone again. The next thing he knows, Jeonghan is answering his call. 

“Hello?”

“Hey. You’re right. I’m not feeling well. I think I might be sick.”

“Wait, what?”

“I’m sick.”

“Um, Soon—” His name gets cut off in mid-air and Soonyoung suspects Nara must be beside him. She is. He can hear her. “How sick are you? You should go to the hospital.”

“I can’t. I’m too sick. I need you to take me there or something.”

He’s being childish and unreasonable, but he wants Jeonghan to come. It was one of their nights. They were supposed to be together.

“Listen. Um, I can’t right now.” Jeonghan sounds startled, maybe even a bit flustered. “Sorry. Do you think you can go by yourself?”

Soonyoung gnaws on his lip. He’s run out of ideas and he’s slowly coming back to himself. 

“…Yeah, sure. Sorry to bother you.”

He hangs up, the ticking noise returning in the silence.

Soonyoung doesn’t understand why he’s crying. Jeonghan had said it would be fun. It wasn’t. This _game_ had a fucking loophole. Soonyoung drops and crouches on the floor, mortified and tired from pretense. The realization hits him like a wave, coursing through his whole body and welling in his eyes. He rubs at his eyes, angry that he’s subjected to feel this way while Jeonghan gets to be completely okay, with everything under control. He cries, forgetting why as time passes. He just lets it out.

The doorbell rings. Soonyoung had totally forgotten about the pizza. He gets up, wipes his eyes, grabs a tissue and blows his nose. Makes way to the door, sniffling and pressing his eyes that are already getting puffy. He opens the door to see Jeonghan standing there, a plastic bag in his hands.

“You alright?” His face is laced with concern.

Soonyoung stares at him, wide-eyed. What hits first is shock, then relief, then strong inclination to wrap his arms around him.

“Come, let’s take you to the hospital—” Jeonghan freezes, looking just as surprised. “Have you been crying?”

Soonyoung doesn’t suppress it. He pulls Jeonghan inside and holds him tightly, squeezing his eyes shut. Jeonghan stiffens, but he doesn’t pull away. He doesn’t ask any questions either. What he does though, is gently pat Soonyoung on the back and that’s when Soonyoung absolutely knows.

He’s in so deep.

The pizza delivery guy arrives soon after, forcing Soonyoung to break away and return to reality. He finds Jeonghan in the living room when he returns with the pizza, looking around his home. Soonyoung has calmed down, which meant having to face the aftermath.

“I’m sorry.” He says, catching Jeonghan’s attention. “I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“That’s okay, you were sick. Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital?”

Soonyoung looks away. “I’m not sick.”

“Oh?” Jeonghan’s brows soar but Soonyoung continues before he can chicken out.

“I called you because I didn’t want to be alone tonight.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry. I know you had plans.”

There’s a pause before Jeonghan plops down on the couch and smiles.

“You know what? Don’t be. I wasn’t really having a good time anyway.” He says. “I’m glad you’re not sick though.”

Soonyoung remains quiet, not sure how to respond. He notices the plastic bag that Jeonghan puts aside. 

“What’s that?”

“Oh, this.” Jeonghan chuckles. “I stopped by the pharmacy and bought a few stuff.”

Soonyoung walks over, picking up the bag and spilling the contents out on the coffee table. Handful of medications come tumbling out, each one different from the other. One for headaches, one for stomach relief, one for general cold, and assorted pain killers.

“Oh my god, you bought all this?”

Jeonghan rubs the back of his neck.

“I tried calling but you didn’t answer so I just got one of everything.”

Soonyoung drags his bottom lip inside his mouth, refraining from smiling so widely and giving everything away. Not only did Jeonghan leave Nara for him, but he’d been worried about him too. Soonyoung doesn’t think he can handle the fluctuations of his own emotions he’s going through in one night.

“So, are we eating pizza?” Jeonghan says, looking a little embarrassed. “I’m starving.”

“Yeah. I’ll get you a plate.”

Soonyoung gets up, the lightheartedness putting a skip into his steps. He stops when he realizes something.

“Oh wait, I don’t have anything to drink. I mean, I have _drinks_ like juice and soda, just not…”

Their eyes meet, and Soonyoung doesn’t finish. They both know that drinking is connotation for sex. At least in their relationship, it is. 

“Do you want to?” Jeonghan asks. “Drink, I mean.”

“Do you?”

Jeonghan looks confused. And Soonyoung doesn’t blame him. Soonyoung had just literally told him that he’d called him because he was _lonely_. Soonyoung musters the courage to play out of rule. 

“How about we just hang out tonight? Watch a movie.” He opens his cupboard and throws a bag of KitKats in Jeonghan’s direction. “I might not have alcohol but I have popcorn and candies. And fuzzy blankets.”

“And you thought I was the five year old.” Jeonghan laughs, walking over to check out Soonyoung’s candy stash.

“Ooh, nice.” He says. “Gummy bears?”

“Check.”

“Skittles?”

“Check.”

“Well then.”

Jeonghan grins, casually ruffling Soonyoung’s hair. Soonyoung doesn’t mind it this time.

“Sounds like a perfect Friday night.”

It really is.

-

Soonyoung wakes up the next day in bed. He does a few stretches and steps out to see the living room quite a mess, candy wrappers and empty soda cans lying around on the floor. He blinks a few times, chasing away the sleep that’s still lingering over his head. Then as his head clears, the corners of Soonyoung’s mouth slowly curve up into a smile that he can’t hide.

He and Jeonghan had spent hours on the couch, legs entangled comfortably, snacking and watching Netflix (he’s got to thank Jihoon) and laughing about stuff he can’t even remember what.

“I should go.” Jeonghan had said sometime before dawn. “You should get some sleep.”

“Yeah, you too.”

Soonyoung insists he walk him out, driven by disappointment. Jeonghan turns around when they reach his car, and how it could’ve gotten more awkward with their clothes on than off, Soonyoung still doesn’t understand. But there they were, facing each other and not knowing how to say bye. A kiss would be untimely. A handshake would be ridiculous. A hug would’ve sufficed if he hadn’t done it earlier and been so weird about it.

As if to have read his mind, Jeonghan laughs. He softly tugs Soonyoung by the hem of his sleeves and gives him a light hug.

“Bye.” He’d finally said, “Don’t be sick.”

And that was it. But it was _so much_.

Soonyoung hides his face in his hands as if someone can see, the giggles still escaping through his fingers somehow.

He’d forgotten what this felt like.

And once he accepts the fact that he has feelings for Jeonghan, all the side effects start showing up. Like bursting with sudden desires to see him in the middle of brushing his teeth or wanting to hear his voice as he pours detergent into the washing machine. When did he last spend the day _not_ thinking about Jeonghan? He can’t tell.

Soonyoung sits on the floor, cross-legged, gaze fixed on his phone as the washing machine spins and spins and spins behind him. It’s almost alike to the whirring in his brain, looking for ways to bend rules. Not contacting each other during the weekend was some kind of unspoken agreement between them. He supposes it was a way to give them a break from each other, keep things _cool_ , so to speak. Poor planning, if he thinks about it now.

He reaches for his phone, almost dropping it when it suddenly starts vibrating with a call. It’s Jeonghan.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me.”

Soonyoung jumps up, clutching to his phone.

“Hi.”

“I know I’m supposed to leave you alone on the today but I think I left my ring at your house.”

“A ring?” Soonyoung blinks. “Oh, the one you wear sometimes.”

“Yeah. Did you see it anywhere?”

Soonyoung’s excitement deflates a little at the purpose of Jeonghan’s call, but he searches his living room nonetheless. He hadn’t seen any ring when he cleaned up this morning.

“Um, no, I didn’t see anything when I was cleaning. Did you take it out when you were here?”

“Maybe. I have a habit of playing around with it. Nothing?”

“Yeah, I can’t find it.” Soonyoung sighs, straightening up from looking under the couch. “Maybe I didn’t pay attention when I was cleaning.”

“So you’re saying you could’ve thrown it out along with other garbage?”

“Yeah. Maybe.” Soonyoung bites his lower lip, checking under the cushions for the third time. So much for a perfect night. “Sorry. Was it valuable?”

“Sort of.”

“Shoot. I’m so sorry.”

Jeonghan pauses over the line. “How sorry are you?”

Soonyoung’s brows soar. “A lot…?”

“ _A lot_ , a lot?

Soonyoung can literally _hear_ the mischievous look in Jeonghan’s eyes.

“Where is this going, Jeonghan?”

“Well, if you’re truly sorry then maybe you won’t mind going ring shopping with me.”

“What?”

“Are you free right now?”

“Yes, but what?”

“Then I’ll be there to pick you up in twenty.” Jeonghan says with an air of finality. “Be ready!”

Soonyoung looks at his now dead phone, dumfounded. As absurd as the situation is, the first thing Soonyoung thinks is _shit, I don’t have anything to wear._

-

“You said the ring was valuable.”

Soonyoung says as he slides into seat next to Jeonghan. Jeonghan grins.

“I never said it was irreplaceable.”

Soonyoung shakes his head. He sits in silence as Jeonghan drives, taking in the bright sun streaming through the window.

“I’m really flattered, Soonyoung.” Jeonghan suddenly smirks, “But you’re going to drill a hole into my face if you keep staring.”

“I wasn’t staring.” Soonyoung retorts, ears flushing. “It’s just different. To see you outside at this time of the day.”

Jeonghan takes that into consideration. “Ah. Yeah, that’s true.”

The rest of the drive remains quiet—minus the soft beating against his ribcage—and Soonyoung realizes how difficult it is to consciously _not_ look at someone. When they reach the shopping mall, Soonyoung almost recommends Jeonghan to take up yoga because he has an attention span of a toddler. Just like grocery shopping, he can’t make it down five stores without walking into at least one.

“ _Cuuuuuuuute_ ”, He squeals after putting on a fluffy hat on Soonyoung’s head. Round grey mouse ears poke out from the sides, and Jeonghan turns to the girl working. “Do you have any tigers?”

“Shut up.” Soonyoung nudges him in the side, hard. He grabs the nearest hat with bear ears, eyes the aisle, and puts it down to grab a white bunny one instead. “Here. Put this on.”

The bunny hat is actually _so_ fitting and _so_ charming on Jeonghan that Soonyoung bursts out laughing. He automatically reaches for his phone and takes pictures when Jeonghan starts playing along by making faces and posing for him.

“How’s this? Cute?” Jeonghan cups his face. “And this?” He winks seductively.

Soonyoung laughs harder, nodding, stomach starting to hurt from laughing so much. Jeonghan puts his arm around Soonyoung’s shoulders, changing the camera to selfie mode.

“Make a cute face.” He urges like a child that Soonyoung can’t help but give in. He pouts into the camera. “Now cool. Sexy.”

They take around thirty selfies that way, stopping when the employee clears her throat and sends them darting glares.

“Oh shoot.” Jeonghan says, signalling Soonyoung with his eyes. As Jeonghan counts to three, they take off their hats and run out of the store, laughing like nothing’s been funnier in their lives.

“Oh my god, I feel so bad.” Soonyoung says, laughter still slipping between words. “We should’ve bought those hats or something.”

“Yeah, it was super cute.” Jeonghan chuckles, admiring the pictures they took. “Look at us.”

It might be the hat-wearing or the sudden running, but heat slowly creeps up to Soonyoung’s face. It doesn’t help when Jeonghan links their arms together, dragging him into the arcade nearby.

“Let’s play one of those shooting games. Whoever loses has to do whatever the winner asks for.”

It sounds like a trap, but Soonyoung genuinely can’t figure out whether Jeonghan has a natural knack of making people do whatever he wants or if Soonyoung just can’t say no to this man.

“Okay, fine.”

They spend the next ten minutes causing a different kind of racket at the arcade, half of the time playing the game like they’re supposed to and other half jabbing each other with blue and red plastic guns. They both suck at the actual game, but Soonyoung sucks even more.

“So what do you want me to do?” He mumbles after taking a bite of his ice cream. They’re sitting on the bench by the side of the mall, eating ice cream and people watching. Jeonghan finishes the last bit of his own and tosses the spoon and cup into the nearest trash bin. He smiles.

“Dance your way down this whole aisle.” He says, voice breaking from glee when he sees Soonyoung’s jaw drop. “You can do that, right?”

“I hate you.” Soonyoung says. Jeonghan doubles over laughing at the look on his face, but Soonyoung means it. “I’m not doing that.” 

“Okay then, how about.” Jeonghan regains posture, pretending to think. “Either you dance in front of all these people, or you let me call you anytime I want.”

He cocks his head as if telling Soonyoung to make a choice. “So?”

“Um,” Soonyoung blanks. “Yeah, sure. Call me whenever.”

Jeonghan smiles. He leans forward, licking Soonyoung’s ice cream just in time before it melts on top of his hand. “Great. You too. Call me whenever.”

They walk around the mall for another half hour before they leave, and it occurs to Soonyoung that they hadn’t looked at any rings. He doesn’t bother bringing it up.

-

Somehow Soonyoung ends up at Jeonghan’s house. It was tangible in the air; two grown men wanting sex, yearning for release that’s been kept for days. Soonyoung doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry over the fact that he’s able to sleep with the guy he wants. After all, it’s nothing more than a game. Fuck buddies, as Jihoon and the rest of the world calls it.

They barely make it down the hall until they find each other’s lips. Jeonghan kisses him, hands cupping his face. Soonyoung kisses back earnestly, the wet noise being the only thing that can be heard in the house. They part together, foreheads touching and breathing heavy. They look at each other for a few seconds until Jeonghan opens his mouth.

“Sorry.” He whispers, backing away. “I have some in the fridge.”

Soonyoung walks towards the kitchen without a word. He reaches for a beer, opens it, and gulps down most of it. In seconds he feels his insides flush with heat, all thoughts melting away. Lust slowly consuming his body.

When Soonyoung opens his eyes, he frantically looks for someone. Someone who can resolve his _aching_ _need_. Desire and desperation burning him up wholly, Soonyoung finds who he’s looking for in the bedroom and runs, almost pouncing on him. He clings, arms around his neck and legs tight around Jeonghan’s body, kissing deeply and vigorously with a low growl in his throat. He thinks Jeonghan would’ve fallen back if he hadn’t expected it. But the thing is, Jeonghan knows. He kisses back and it feels so _good_ —no matter how many times they do it—what they’re doing with their mouth and tongue. Jeonghan takes turns sucking his upper and lower lip, every bit and corner of it, occasionally sweeping his tongue over Soonyoung’s and exploring his mouth deeper.

Soonyoung realizes he’s lying on bed when Jeonghan starts bunching up his shirt, knee fixed between his legs and rubbing his middle. Soonyoung groans, grinding down in rhythm, and Jeonghan’s lips trail over his jawline, his earlobes, and down the neck to find something better to nibble on. Soonyoung gasps when Jeonghan kisses his nipples, rolling his tongue and sucking a bit too hard. Soonyoung tousles through Jeonghan’s hair, squeezing tight whenever it’s _too much_. They’ve done this countless times. Jeonghan knew which part was him was sensitive, fragile and igniting. He continues down, brusquely taking off whatever clothing is left on Soonyoung’s body. When Soonyoung’s naked legs instinctively close from the sudden chill, Jeonghan uses the chance to trap his ankles in his hand and hold them up. His fingers prowl around the entrance, making Soonyoung writhe in anticipation.

“ _Hurry,_ ” Soonyoung pleads, waiting for long, lean fingers to press into him. But Jeonghan merely shifts weight onto Soonyoung’s thighs, folding him in half, and before Soonyoung can figure out what’s about to happen he feels tongue, again, just not on his mouth.

“Fuck,” Soonyoung gasps loudly, holding his breath and feeling as though he’s been taken to the sky only to be dropped. It’s never happened before, and Soonyoung is helplessly torn from wanting him to stop and never letting him stop. Jeonghan’s tongue roams around freely and hungrily, licking and pushing in and out, sending Soonyoung into an array of arousal.

“Jeong, han, yes, yes, that—ah, feels, so, good,” Soonyoung pants and cries, not knowing what he’s really saying. He feels all the strength in his body draining out and pooling at his middle. When Jeonghan digs deeper, Soonyoung caves. “ _Shit_ , stop—” He doesn’t get to finish, back arching as he comes.

“Little tame today, aren’t you?” Jeonghan says, lips slick as he smiles. He takes off his own clothes, hard and impatient himself. Soonyoung glares, forgetting how he felt five seconds ago. He wipes his belly and takes his white sticky fingers to his entrance, using it like lubricant and taking the rest to his mouth to lick off.

“ _Fuck_ , Soonyoung, why are you doing that,” Jeonghan says in a breath, his cock tipping from the visual stimulation. He climbs on bed and kisses him, stroking Soonyoung until he’s nice and hard again. When Jeonghan’s breathing becomes too hot and heavy, Soonyoung pushes his shoulder and lays him down. Positions himself up, taking Jeonghan in one hand, and slowly, very slowly lowering his body until he finds the entrance. He pauses for a second, and Jeonghan’s gaze locks on his. Soonyoung sinks himself in without hesitation.

“Oh my god,” Soonyoung breathes. It feels so good to be filled, so perfect in match, as if Jeonghan’s cock has been carved to fit his insides completely. He moves his hips up and down, liquid waves of electricity traveling up his spine to burst like fireworks in the form of his cries. Soonyoung moves faster, trying to sink lower. He cries a pitch higher when Jeonghan digs his teeth into his collarbones, the pain magnifying all his sensitivities. Everything is a blur, but he wants more. _Needs_ more. He rocks his hips faster, whimpering in frustration when he can’t reach deep enough.

“Jeong, han, please—” Soonyoung pants. _Fuck me_ , is what he wants to say but it never makes it out because Jeonghan spreads his ass with his hands and cants his hips _up_. Soonyoung moans in exultation, tears welling up and rolling down his cheeks. Jeonghan fucks and fucks and fucks, groaning and panting Soonyoung’s name as he does so.

“Does it feel good?” He asks, his short breaths on his neck making Soonyoung recoil. “Do you like that?”

“ _Yes, so, good, I, love, it,_ ” Soonyoung cries, trembling, and Jeonghan flips Soonyoung into the mattress and pounds into him like he never intends to stop. Soonyoung thinks his body might snap, but he won’t mind. His eyes widen as he comes, mouth falling open and legs quivering in the air. He involuntarily tightens around Jeonghan’s cock which sends Jeonghan over the edge, and he thrusts a couple more times before he breaks with a long moan. Jeonghan falls on top of him, shoulders heaving up and down.

“In a moment.” He laughs when Soonyoung stamps kisses along his neck. “And just one more time. You made me promise you.”

He says, looking fully into Soonyoung’s eyes as if to be searching for something. Someone. Soonyoung closes his eyes and kisses him.

-

“I’m screwed.”

“…Don’t mind him.” Jihoon tells a group of boys who curiously peer over at Soonyoung. “Ready? Let’s take it from the top.”

“I’m really screwed.”

Jihoon sighs. “Let’s take a break, guys. Get some coffee and we can pick it up again in ten.”

He spins around as soon as the singers leave his studio, facing Soonyoung who’s been moping on the couch for the past hour with his head buried between his legs.

“In case you didn’t notice, I’m working for goodness sakes, Soonyoung, and those guys, they’re the biggest thing right now I have to—”

Soonyoung lifts his head and Jihoon stops, sighing again at the expression on his face.

“Ugh, I hate myself.” Jihoon grumbles. He takes a seat in front of Soonyoung, hands coming together. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s all your fault.”

“Is it, now.”

“Everything was going just as planned until you had to plant ideas into my head—”

Soonyoung continues to rant as Jihoon stalks across the room to get a can of coke and sit back down, slurping and listening to whatever bizarre story his friend has to offer this time.

“—and, I don’t know anymore.” Soonyoung says on the brink of distress, a bit hysterical after pouring out a lot of information. “I know that I like him but what now?”

Waking up butt naked next to Jeonghan on Sunday morning, with bare minimum memory of what happened in bed was probably the shittiest thing that happened to Soonyoung next to his university nightmare. It was just like any other day after they spent the night together, he knows that, but _that_ time was different. Unlike before, he _cares_ now. He wants to be there. Feel everything, remember everything.

“…I don’t know what to do.”

Soonyoung hadn’t seen it coming. Apparently being a “fuck buddy” with feelings was like walking into traffic. Jihoon was so right. He’d walked into traffic, Jeonghan crashed into him, and now he was slowly burning to his death.

“God, you’re so melodramatic.” Jihoon rolls his eyes. “Why don’t you just tell him you like him?”

“How?!” He jumps.

Soonyoung can’t fathom how Jihoon can say it so plainly. There are too many things on the line for Soonyoung to just _tell him._ What if Jeonghan doesn’t feel the same way? Wants to keep things casual like it is? That’s how they met, right? If he was to just _tell him_ , he could lose what he has with Jeonghan right now. He could lose _Jeonghan_. It was too risky.

“Sit down.” Jihoon says. Soonyoung listens. “So. If I can get this straight, your boss suggested you guys have casual-but-agreement-based-and-weekly-scheduled sex, which has been working for you, right?”

“Yes.”

“Wait, how is this helping you again?”

“It feels good.”

Jihoon scowls in disgust.

“Not just the, you know, but it’s everything.” Soonyoung adds hastily. “Eating together. Watching movies. Going shopping.”

Jihoon’s brows soar. “I thought you guys were fuck buddies.”

“Yeah, we are.”

Jihoon narrows his eyes at him like he’s some kind of bug he’s discovered in his precious studio. He mutters a little ‘wow’ before shaking his head.

“Listen, child. This guy seems to know _everything_ about you and he seems to be more than okay spending time with you… not fucking. What do you think that means?”

Jihoon gives him a light pat on the shoulder before throwing his empty soda can into the trash bin. He scores.

“You can figure this one out.”

-

Soonyoung admits that Jihoon is smart, that’s undeniable. His brain seems to comprehend what Jihoon has said but his heart seems to leap and dive five feet under whenever he sees Jeonghan and he ends up chickening out.

Fortunately, even in the middle of a personal crisis, life still goes on. SVT Cosmetics is back on their game, accelerating at full speed on launching the new product that missed its season last time. That means the marketing team is as hectic as ever, and Soonyoung especially, in order to make up for his mistake and prove that he can do better. It gives him an excuse to be occupied, mentally and physically, and he doesn’t have to lie when he tells Jeonghan that he’ll be working late for the next few weeks and will need time to be alone. And of course that’s enough for Jeonghan to smile and say he understands. What did Soonyoung even expect? Jihoon doesn’t get it.

Soonyoung keeps himself as busy as he can, working past hours and during weekends alone in the office. He runs up and down the company to gather information, makes hundreds of calls until his phone feels oven-baked, and stares at Excel for so long that all he sees are spreadsheets when he closes his eyes to sleep.

“Seokmin, can you take this—”

Soonyoung stops mid-way, realizing Seokmin isn’t in his seat. He sighs and looks around, sees that everyone is engaged in one thing or another and takes the file to the copy room himself. Soonyoung squats in fatigue, mindlessly staring at the machine spitting out clones after clones. By the time he wakes up from his trance, the machine is long done and quiet, and Soonyoung stands up to suddenly feel dizzy and lightheaded. Someone holds him before he can fall. 

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asks, and jeez, Soonyoung can’t remember the last time he’d seen him. There’s something different about him that he can’t pinpoint.

“I’m fine, thanks.” Soonyoung ignores the reluctant look he receives.

“Did you have lunch? You didn’t come with us today.”

“I just had some work to finish. You know, since I have a presentation in an hour.”

Jeonghan doesn’t respond. Soonyoung tries to keep it less awkward.

“So, how’s it going?”

“You look tired. Tense.” Jeonghan doesn’t even bother to try to help. “Did you get any sleep last night?”

Soonyoung chews on his lips, a little exasperated. “Jeonghan, this presentation is very important to me. You know very well how much of an opportunity this is—I can eat and sleep when this is over.”

He can’t tell what Jeonghan is thinking. That particular laid-back aura of his is missing, the easy, playful smile gone and replaced with a tight line.

“Can I ask you one more thing?” Jeonghan asks instead. “Are you avoiding me?”

“What? No.” Soonyoung lies. “Why would you even ask me that?” He tries to laugh it off, walking past him.

“Then prove it to me.” Jeonghan strides quickly, blocking his path. “Come see me after work.”

“Fine.” Soonyoung says, feigning nonchalance.

In a nutshell, the presentation goes well. Soonyoung doesn’t stutter or stumble over his own feet, and he gets around six approving nods from the team. He tries not to look in Jeonghan’s direction; he needn’t an invitation for more butterflies when he already had a bunch in his stomach. Seokmin gives him thumbs up when he’s finished. Soonyoung smiles back, the knot in his stomach easing a bit. He thinks the team might actually vote for his idea. Nara raises her hand.

“How are you expecting to cover all your plans? We have a budget, you know.”

“Yes, which is why I explained—”

“And you do realize we already spent a quarter of our initial budget to cover up for what you managed to do last time, right?” She continues, cutting him off. “It seems a little irresponsible to me that you’re asking us to trust you again.”

Soonyoung knows how to answer this question. He’d created a new budget, and all he has to do is explain it. But Nara has somehow wiped his thoughts clean, pulling back on the knot and twisting it tighter.

“Do you think it was the lack of repercussion that made you forget?”

For the first time, Soonyoung’s eyes snap on Jeonghan. He sees him opens his mouth, but what he hears is Seokmin’s voice.

“Nara-ssi, I think it’s you who forgot that Soonyoung-ssi took the blame for _our_ mistake.” Seokmin says, reaching for the handout in front of them and flipping through it. “Besides, the budget plan is explained right here.”

Nara glares, snatching the handout from Seokmin’s hand.

“Seems a little irresponsible to ask without paying attention to what’s being said.”

He adds, which silences Nara for the rest of the meeting.

Soonyoung wins majority of the vote. He almost drops dead when he reaches his cubicle, all the tension coming loose at once.

“Congratulations, hyung!” Seokmin grins, forgetting that they’re at work. “You totally deserve it. I can’t wait to start.”

“This totally calls for a celebration.” Seungkwan pipes. “I think we can all agree to take a break tonight and just enjoy… Come on, it’s Friday!” Everyone else whoops in agreement, heads turning towards Jeonghan in anticipation.

He nods. Soonyoung can’t tell if he’s relieved or disappointed.

Usually, Soonyoung never joins company dinners. They tend to orbit around drinking which Soonyoung can’t do publicly, and even if it isn’t forced on him, he just feels like he’s being a killjoy. But tonight was in good spirits of his colleagues congratulating him, so Soonyoung sits in front of the barbeque grill compliantly, watching the meat sizzle. He literally musters every fiber of his being in order to _not_ look at Jeonghan and Nara at the other table, and dear god _not_ combust whenever there’s a friendly touch here and there.

“Cheers!” Seokmin stands next to him, raising his glass. “To our team, and especially to Soonyoung for saving our ass!”

Soonyoung laughs, picking up his tiny soju glass that Seungkwan specially filled for him with water. He quickly pulls Seokmin to sit back down, little embarrassed, but it gets him to start enjoying the night. The food is good, Seungkwan and Seokmin are fun to chat to, and he hasn’t felt so relaxed in weeks. Soonyoung doubles over laughing at the way Seungkwan and Seokmin start to bicker, reaching for his glass to drink when it’s snatched out of his hand.

His eyes flicker up to see Jeonghan holding it, the man peering down at him without as so much as a smile. He takes the glass to his mouth, clearing its contents in one swig.

“Soonyoung-ssi,” He says, brows sharply knitting together. “How am I supposed to trust you if you can’t even differentiate between soju and water?”

Soonyoung looks down to see his water-filled glass still on the table. He must’ve grabbed Seokmin’s by accident. Seungkwan and Seokmin exchange nervous glances, people’s attention landing on them one by one.

“Jeonghan-ssi, can I talk to you outside?” Soonyoung says, grabbing Jeonghan by the arm and taking him outside. They round the corner to a quieter street, a lamppost flickering eerily above them. Soonyoung lets go of him. Jeonghan staggers a bit, but he can’t be drunk. Soonyoung can tell.

“What the hell was that?”

Jeonghan cocks his head. “Shouldn’t you be thanking me?” He snickers. “You’d be all over Seokmin right now if I didn’t grab that from you.”

Soonyoung glares. “I would’ve noticed and stopped the moment I dipped my lips in it. You didn’t have to do that.”

Jeonghan drops the smirk. He runs his hand through his hair, looking dead straight at Soonyoung.

“You know what, Soonyoung? There are so many things you don’t want me to do and I’m beginning to get sick of it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Ever since the night we met until today. We have a literal _fucking_ agreement, for fuck’s sakes.”

“That was _your_ idea.”

Soonyoung retorts back. He’s so confused. Why is Jeonghan angry?

“Is it really?” Jeonghan laughs, but it’s icy. “Because I vividly remember I didn’t have any other choice.”

“I,” Soonyoung starts, but he can't continue. He's never seen Jeonghan so upset.

Jeonghan sighs, pulling his tie loose in frustration. “Soonyoung, sometimes…” He says, “Sometimes you make me feel like we’re more than what we really are. And sometimes you go back to acting like we’re strangers and it drives me crazy.”

Soonyoung’s heart starts pounding very fast. Jeonghan’s head falls.

“I feel like an idiot. And maybe I _am_ one, coming when you call me to come and leaving when you ask me to leave you alone.”

Soonyoung opens his mouth to say something. He’s not sure what, but he feels the need to fix whatever Jeonghan is saying. Perhaps this is the perfect chance to say that he likes him. His lips crack open when Jeonghan says something that almost makes his racing heart come to a full stop.

“Did you sleep with him?”

Soonyoung blinks. “What?” He says stupidly.

“Did you sleep with Seokmin? Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”

Soonyoung’s eyes blink again and this time his expression changes distinctively. It breaks to one of rage and resentment and Soonyoung doesn’t even notice there's tears in his eyes until Jeonghan looks up at him. He freezes, eye widening, and when Soonyoung blinks again, Jeonghan is merely centimeters away.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” He tries to wipe Soonyoung’s tears with his sleeves, but Soonyoung lashes him off. “Soonyoung, don’t cry, I didn’t mean to—”

“Don’t.” He says sharply, “Just because I sleep with you, doesn’t mean I go around doing that with everyone else.”

Soonyoung turns on his heels, trying to leave as quickly as he can. Jeonghan, as always, catches up to him. He grabs Soonyoung’s wrist, firmer this time. 

“Soonyoung, I’m so sorry.” Jeonghan says, pulling him in an embrace. “I don’t know why I said that.”

“Because that’s what you really think.” Soonyoung says, trying to sound cold, but it’s hard when his breath is hitching. “Because that’s what everyone assumes when they find out who I am.”

Jeonghan lets him go and Soonyoung wipes his eyes, backtracking. He hates the way Jeonghan looks more hurt than he does.

“You said you’re sick of me telling you what not to do, but here it is. Don’t touch me. Don’t call me. Don’t you dare come after me.”

Soonyoung leaves, heart hammering in his chest and feeling like throwing up. He’s reminded of Taewoo, everyone at university, and how hard he tried to forget everything. And he was doing _fine_ , until Jeonghan decided to show up one night without notice and barged into his life—appearing at his door, cooking dinner, smiling, laughing, kissing him, touching him, and more. Soonyoung wonders where they would be right now if he’d been brave enough to tell him the moment he knew.

And everything hurts twice as much.

-

“I thought I was over it.” Soonyoung says numbly. He lies face up on the couch, staring at the shimmering blue ceiling. “I thought I grew up.”

“You did.” Jihoon says. “You told the guy to fuck off.”

Soonyoung nods. “I still like him.”

Jihoon hands Soonyoung a tissue. Like a true friend, Jihoon lets him stay with him for the whole weekend.

-

It would be a lie if Soonyoung said he didn’t brace himself after what happened. Of course he did. He’d fled that night, ignored all the calls and messages from Seungkwan and Seokmin asking where he went, and turned off his phone completely when Jeonghan found the nerve to start calling him. He’d switched off all the lights in the house and pretended he didn’t see Jeonghan’s car outside the window.

Then when he had to face life again, he braced himself for _some_ kind of situation waiting for him, but not this. Not where Jeonghan _stares_ at him constantly all day, gaze following him everywhere he goes, to the point that he can sense it even when his back is turned on him. Perhaps it means Soonyoung is also conscious of Jeonghan all the same, except it’s not just him. Jeonghan is so obvious that it gets the rest of the team to steal glances back and forth between them with a confused look of their own. Nara is extra snappy, Seokmin has to call Jeonghan twice before getting his attention each time, and Seungkwan mouths ‘ _what’s wrong with the boss?’_ every five minutes. Soonyoung only shrugs. It’s bound to stop some time or later.

It doesn’t. For a whole entire week, Soonyoung has to work under the unwavering, insistent gaze of Yoon Jeonghan, having no other option than be extra conscious of everything he does. It’s hard, ignoring him, especially when Seokmin points out that Soonyoung’s ears are flaming red sometimes. He wishes he had the tolerance of a saint but at this point Soonyoung isn’t sure if Jeonghan is looking at him in order to fluster him, spite him, or just to mess with his mind—which is working as much as he hates to admit it. So when Jeonghan starts to space out during meetings and check off the wrong boxes on important documents, Soonyoung barges into his office. It’s sort of like the first day—he’s dreading every second of it and has no idea what he’s about to say once he enters that room.

Unlike his mind though, his mouth moves on its own.

“Stop _staring_ at me.” He whisper-barks as soon as he sees the man sitting at his desk. Jeonghan springs up from his seat, looking surprised. God, his eyes are so big and innocent that he almost forgets he’s supposed to be angry.

“What?”

“You’ve been staring at me all day. People are noticing that something’s up. Is that your plan? To annoy me again? To make sure I know you’re here?”

Jeonghan’s face flares red, something Soonyoung didn’t expect to see. “Oh god, um, sorry.” He says. “I didn’t even notice I was doing that.”

Soonyoung blinks. Is that it? That can’t be it. Jeonghan would have something more to say. Something cheeky. Flirty. Annoying. Soonyoung stands there, waiting for more, but nothing comes in return. He turns around to leave when Jeonghan stops him in haste.

“This sucks. Now I can’t even look at you?”

There it is. He walks over, shutting the blinds. But his eyes don’t match the playful voice he has on. He stiffens when Soonyoung doesn’t smile, biting his lower lip anxiously. Soonyoung wonders how Jeonghan would react if he was to punch himself right there and then, because this new, unprecedented restless behavior of Jeonghan is making him more endearing (really, still?) than he already is.

“Soonyoung, I’m so sorry for what I said that night. I don’t have any excuses.” Jeonghan says, brushing his hand through his hair, rubbing a finger over a brow, unable to stay still for a second. “I didn’t know what I was saying. I was angry, I wasn’t sure why, but I knew you were avoiding me, and I thought we were getting close, but I was wrong, and then at dinner I was just really jealous, so I—”

“What?”

“What?” Jeonghan repeats after him, confused.

“Did you just say you were—”

There’s a knock on the door. Seungkwan peeps in, an apologetic look on his face.

“Sorry. There’s an urgent call waiting for you, Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung tells Seungkwan that he’ll be right there. He looks back at Jeonghan when they’re alone again, scanning his face for any trace of trickery. Jeonghan doesn’t look like he’s aware of what he’s said, just apprehensive that Soonyoung will lash out on him again.

“Let’s talk later. After work.” Soonyoung says. He adds after a pause. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Jeonghan nods.

But as things have it, Soonyoung isn’t able to get off work on time. The urgent call is about a mix-up in the CF shooting they’re about to hold in a few days, ultimately flipping Soonyoung’s priorities upside down. By the time he’s finished putting off fires here and there, the clock points close to midnight, and Jeonghan’s office is vacant. He’d also been called to places, putting off fires of his own.

Soonyoung sighs, gathers his things, and makes way for the elevator. He’s about to take the bus when his phone starts ringing.

“Hello? Soonyoung-ssi?”

Frowning, Soonyoung takes the phone away from his ears to check the name, and answers it again. This isn’t Jeonghan’s voice. “Yes? Who is this?”

“I’m Joshua. Jeonghan’s friend.” Soonyoung suddenly finds himself straightening, fatigue dissolving away. Joshua Hong wasn’t just Jeonghan’s friend. He was the manager at the research & development team, supervising the whole of four floors below them.

“I am so sorry to ask you for such a huge favour, Soonyoung-ssi, but would you mind coming and getting rid of my friend here for me?” Joshua continues, “We just came out to have a few drinks to cool our heads but Jeonghan kind of went overboard and he’s completely bonked out. The rest of us have to get back to the company to finish some work because we’re pretty occupied these days, as you know.” 

Funny how it hits afresh that Jeonghan is, in fact, his boss. Soonyoung answers yes and Joshua tells him that he’d text him where they are. He grabs a taxi, shows the driver the address, and arrives at a noisy street with restaurants, pubs, and karaoke bars.

“Soonyoung-ssi, over here!” Joshua spots him and waves as soon as Soonyoung enters. Soonyoung is surprised to see Seungcheol next to him, his former boss when he used to work in the sales department.

“Hyung?” Soonyoung blinks. Seungcheol is also a senior from his university, who suggested applying to work for him when Soonyoung was looking for a job.

“Long time no see, Soonyoung.” Seungcheol smiles, gesturing for him to sit when Soonyoung does an awkward bow towards them. “No need to be formal, we aren’t at work.”

Soonyoung greets back. Seungcheol was one of the few people from university he's been on good terms with. Then his eyes fall onto Jeonghan bent over on the table, looking absolutely inebriated. Unlike his friends who don’t look fazed in the slightest, Jeonghan’s face is red, hair disheveled, tie pulled loose over his collars with a few buttons undone. His eyes are closed, lips mumbling something incoherent before falling quiet again.

“What happened to him?” Soonyoung asks although the number of green and brown bottles on the table provide a clear picture.

“He usually doesn’t drink like this but I guess he’s been stressed lately.” Seungcheol shrugs, tossing a few peanuts into his mouth.

 _Why me?_ Soonyoung wants to ask out loud, but Joshua seems to read his face.

“Sorry for calling you, Soonyoung-ssi.” Joshua smiles apologetically, “But we couldn’t leave him with his car here and he’s been talking about you a lot lately so we thought it’d be best to ask you to take him home.”

“So sorry to ask you to do this.” Seungcheol adds as they both get up to leave.

“Wait, you’re leaving?” Soonyoung asks, a tad mortified at the progress of events.

“We have things to do back at the company.” Joshua explains. He peers down at Jeonghan and shakes his head in the manner of a disapproving parent. “And Jeonghan, well. Obviously he can’t come with us. I’m sure you know how immature he can be.”

Seungcheol laughs. “Thanks for taking care of him. We owe you.”

Soonyoung contemplates whether this would come off as disobeying his boss’ orders if he refused, but decides against it. He knows a part of him had missed Jeonghan. A lot.

He sits down on the opposite end of the table when Joshua and Seungcheol leave, fumbling around with the car keys that Joshua had handed to him. Freezes when Jeonghan stirs a little, breathing again when he drifts off back to sleep. Then realizing that he can’t wait forever for him to wake up, Soonyoung slides closer, unsure how to do this. His hands hover in the air for a minute before they cautiously land, stroking his hair to the side and revealing his peacefully sleeping face. Soonyoung stares, taking in Jeonghan’s eyelashes long enough to create a shadow, his shapely elegant nose, and pink, slightly thin lips that are faintly open to puff air as he sleeps. Then he thinks about how he could stare at Jeonghan all day every day sort of like how Jeonghan stared at him all week.

Jihoon was right. Soonyoung is an idiot.

Jeonghan’s eyes flutter open. He slowly rises, trying to make sense of where he is and what he’s doing. His glassy eyes snap onto Soonyoung, a huge smile spreading across his face.

“ _Soonyoungie!!!_ ” Jeonghan shrieks, throwing his arms around him. “I missed you sooooooooooo muchhh—”

“Oh my god, Jeonghan.” Soonyoung mutters, almost falling off the chair from the weight shift. “Let’s go, you’re drunk.”

“Go? But you just came.” Jeonghan whines, the corners of his brows and mouth drooping together. “Is this because you’re still mad at me?”

“Jeonghan, get up.”

“You’re being scary. I missed you, missed us—”

“Get. Up.”

Jeonghan sniffles but listens nonetheless, and Soonyoung internally kicks himself for not having thought to ask Joshua and Seungcheol to carry him to his car.

“Soonyoung, the world is spinninggggg—” Jeonghan stumbles helplessly, knocking some utensils off the table, incapable of finding balance on his own two feet. Soonyoung takes Jeonghan’s arm and drapes it around his own shoulders, ignoring how alcohol has Jeonghan’s body burning up and breath heavy against his neck. They barely make it out of the restaurant when Jeonghan’s feet start slipping against the pavement.

“So slippery.” He giggles, tickling the hairs on Soonyoung’s neck and arms. 

“Put your weight on me and try to walk.” Soonyoung says, instantly regretting it when Jeonghan does exactly that. He leans against Soonyoung, nuzzling his flushed cheeks against Soonyoung’s collars.

“Soonyoung, you feel so cool right now. Why do I feel so hot?” 

It’s actual _torture_. Soonyoung drags Jeonghan down the block and across the street, getting closer to where the car is parked. He barely avoids getting hit by a motorcycle by a close second when Jeonghan suddenly roots to a stop.

“Soonyoung, look!” He gasps, pointing to something next to them on the side of the street. “Soonyoungie is trapped in a box!”

“What?”

All he sees is a crane game machine. Jeonghan untangles his arm, runs—okay, so _now_ he can run?—towards the game and slaps his palms against the glass dramatically.

“Soonyoungie! Oh my god, how did you get in there?!” He whips around, flapping for Soonyoung to come, fast. “Soonyoung, you have to come save Soonyoungie!”

‘Soonyoungie’ turns out to be a medium-sized stuffed tiger, its cute ears and round head poking out from underneath a mountain of other stuffed animals. Soonyoung would burst out laughing if his intoxicated boss isn’t being so serious right now. Jeonghan yells on the brink of tears, banging on the glass with clenched fists.

“Soonyoungie, hang in there! We’ll save you!”

“Jeonghan, that’s a stuffed tiger.”

“Poor Soonyoungie—” Jeonghan wails. “What do I do? How do I get him out?”

Soonyoung sighs. “Jeonghan, come. Let’s go home.”

“I’m not going anywhere without Soonyoungie.” Jeonghan says as adamantly as his sloshed tongue can bring him to sound. He slides down against the machine, burying his head between his knees. “There’s so many things I didn’t get to tell him.”

Soonyoung asks after a pause. “Like what?” 

“Like how I’m really sorry for hurting him.” Comes his muffled voice. “And how I miss him so much.”

Soonyoung crouches in front of Jeonghan. Jeonghan’s shoulders rise up and down softly as he continues.

“I don’t want stupid rules anymore. I was stupid to suggest it. I want to kiss him anytime I want, not when he needs me to kiss him back after drinking some stupid wine. I want to see him every day, and take him out on dates without having to make up stupid excuses. There never was a stupid ring—”

“Jeonghan.”

Soonyoung calls quietly. Jeonghan lifts his head, a little teary, and Soonyoung kisses him before he could say anything else. Their lips find each other in familiarity, the kiss soft and gentle, the bitter taste of soju lingering. 

“Will you tell him everything you just said if I get Soonyoungie out?” Soonyoung asks when he parts.

Jeonghan nods eagerly, clearly still very drunk. Laughing at how the tables have turned, Soonyoung helps them both up and takes out a few bills from his wallet. He shoves a few in, grabbing the joystick as the claw starts to sway and creak. Jeonghan clings to the machine, banging on the glass again.

“We’ll get you right out, Soonyoungie!”

Soonyoung swears they could’ve bought twenty stuffed tigers with the amount of cash he used on the game when he finally succeeds in rescuing dumb Soonyoungie. Jeonghan literally screams in happiness when he reaches down and grabs the doll out, throwing himself around Soonyoung and squeezing him tight. Feeling his heart inflate over the limits that he can hold, Soonyoung decides to tell Jeonghan how he feels when Jeonghan pushes him away, looking pale and sick.

“Jeonghan, are you okay?”

“Fuck,” He whimpers before puking all over him.

-

“ _Shit._ ” Jeonghan hisses, trying to bring himself up in bed and blocking out the sun shining right into his face. “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit—”

“I know.” Soonyoung says. “It’s not fun.”

Jeonghan jolts at the sound of his voice. He looks at Soonyoung, gawks down at his own bare chest, then looks back at Soonyoung who is in the middle of folding laundry. Soonyoung snorts.

“If you’re also the type to black out, this isn’t going to work out. One of us should be able to get our shit together, don’t you think?”

Rubbing his face, Jeonghan heads towards the bathroom. Soonyoung hears water run for a minute, and Jeonghan returns with a robe draped over and few locks of hair dripping wet.

“No I remember everything. Unfortunately.”

“You better.” Soonyoung mutters. “You threw up all over us and I had to carry you home, wash you _and_ your clothes, and look, don’t blame me if I can’t get this stain out of your shirt but I tried—”

“Soonyoung.” Jeonghan interrupts him, suddenly so near. “I think I love you.”

They’re close enough that Soonyoung can see his own reflection in Jeonghan’s eyes. And beyond that, he finally sees what those pretty eyes have been telling him all this time. He’s seen it in that lively sparkle whenever their eyes met, in that steadfast gaze whenever Jeonghan trapped him in those dark, bottomless orbs. Leaving him to feel breathless, helpless, and afraid that he’ll never see it again if he breaks the rules. It’s been there all along. Why didn’t he see it sooner?

“I think I love you too.” Soonyoung feels Jeonghan leaning closer, tugging the shirt loose from his grip. “I’m sorry for not saying it sooner.”

“Don’t apologize yet.” Jeonghan breaks into a smile, kissing him chastely, then again and again and again. “I think I loved you since the beginning. It was never a game. I was never playing.”

Soonyoung kisses back, sober as ever (well so to speak, his head is _spinning_ from soft lips) although usually his right mind quickly dissolves around this point. But he’s _still_ here, kissing Jeonghan, they’re going to bed, and he wants it so _badly_. Jeonghan cups his face and kisses him deeper, their lips slotting perfectly against each other. Soonyoung wants this to last forever. He can’t believe he’s _still_ _here_ , not somewhere wandering about in his unconsciousness.

“New rules.” Soonyoung says between breaths. “I want to kiss you every day.”

“Yeah?”

Jeonghan says, laughter slipping by a kiss as he laces their fingers together.

“Can we hold hands?”

“Yes.”

“Share an ice cream?”

“Yes.”

“Call you mine and me yours?”

“Yes.” Soonyoung says, the thought setting fire to his cheeks and ears. Jeonghan laughs and buries his head into Soonyoung’s neck, tongue sweeping places and teeth leaving marks as he trails lower. He starts sucking, causing Soonyoung’s head to roll back. Soonyoung sighs.

“And we can do this as many times as we want.”

“ _God_ ,” Jeonghan groans, attaching their lower bodies together and asking for more friction. “I’m already holding myself back from the thought of _you_ finally being here, not drunk, and that _you_ want me. You don’t have to try to seduce me.”

“Shut up,” Soonyoung laughs, distancing away and _holy shit,_ the sight of Jeonghan flushed red, glossy eyed and short of breath, is quite an experience. Out of nowhere, Soonyoung is dizzy with the pressing desire to kiss, _be_ kissed, to touch, _be_ touched by the man in front of him, but realizes this is his first time being _awake_ , entirely present. 

“You know, I’m not _him_.” He whispers, tugging Jeonghan’s robe loose. It falls to the floor. “Show me how.”

Jeonghan’s eager lips find his again, the kiss deeper and hungrier than before. Whatever that was left on their bodies is pulled off carelessly, and Soonyoung shivers between the cool sheets under his back and the hot sparks of Jeonghan’s skin against his. His head rings with the wet sound of their mouths rubbing together, hot flesh of the tongue sending simmering electricity down Soonyoung’s spine.

“Okay, well.” Jeonghan starts. “You like it when I do this.”

Soonyoung gasps, feeling his body jolt with pleasure when Jeonghan’s fingers wrap around his cock. It’s like every nerve in his body has been set alight, senses swimming towards his middle as Jeonghan moves his wrist up and down, gradually picking up pace. Soonyoung’s eyes shut tight as Jeonghan’s delicate fingertip traces along the head, then switches to the firm pads of fingers adding pressure, and _fuck_ , he can _hear_ Jeonghan’s hands getting wet and sticky with his _thing_. Soonyoung covers his face and mouth when sounds ludicrous even to his own ears start escaping from deep within his throat.

“Don’t. I want to see you.” Jeonghan pulls him down with his free arm, looking into his eyes intently.

“It’s so bright.” Embarrassed, Soonyoung buries his head into the pillow. The fact that it’s still morning just hits. “I can see everything. _You_ can see everything.”

“It’s perfect.” Jeonghan answers, looking fazed and feverish, downright aroused. It’s almost dazzling to see and has Soonyoung reaching down to envelop his hand around Jeonghan too. They kiss again, and by the time Soonyoung is calling out Jeonghan’s name in hot heavy breaths, their cocks are being rubbed together and Soonyoung sees stars exploding in front of his eyes.

“ _Jeonghan—_ ” His back arching, Soonyoung comes into Jeonghan’s hand. “Sorry.” He says quickly, reaching for a tissue when Jeonghan stops him. He kisses him playfully, pecking him here and there and gently biting his nose. 

“You’re so different like this. Don’t be embarrassed.”

Soonyoung remains still, uncertain. “Is that bad? Do you want me to drink and be more… sexy?”

“No. Yes. I don’t care.” Jeonghan says, smiling against his mouth. “I love _you_.” 

And Soonyoung believes him. He holds Jeonghan tight, hands snaking into his hair as Jeonghan slowly opens him up, two fingers inside already, pressing and brushing past spots that just aren’t _right_. Soonyoung feels his hips move on their own accord, searching, trying to get Jeonghan to touch him in the right place.

“Jeonghan, please, _more_ —” Soonyoung moans, desperate, relentless until he’s able to feel it just right. At that moment, Jeonghan’s lean finger jabs where it’s _deep_ , and a shock of white light takes over his vision. “ _Oh my god_ ,” Soonyoung cries as Jeonghan jabs it again and again, control lost over his sanity. “Come inside me, Jeonghan, _please_ come inside me.” 

Words disappear into Jeonghan’s mouth as he wraps Soonyoung’s legs around his hips. He presses into him carefully, pushing in all the way through and pausing until Soonyoung can catch his breath. “Are you okay?” He asks, stroking Soonyoung’s hair away from his sweaty forehead. When Soonyoung nods, Jeonghan fucks him like he’s been waiting for that nod all his life.

It’s nothing like he’s ever felt before. Or imagined. It’s shockingly painful that his legs tremble and jaw goes slack, but the amount of pleasure that brims and eventually overflows into him is indescribable. It overrides all other existing sensations that Soonyoung has ever experienced before, and it has him begging for more, wishing it would never stop.

“Fuck, you feel so good—” Jeonghan groans just above his ears, and Soonyoung thinks his heart is about to burst. Nothing compares to how Jeonghan carves his way inside him and how Soonyoung clenches tightly around Jeonghan.

“Un, fair,” He cries, tears brimming at the corners of his eyes. “I, can’t, believe, how, much, I’ve, been, missing, out—”

Jeonghan makes a deflating laugh, kissing him in response. He flips Soonyoung onto his knees, winding his arms under Soonyoung’s belly and holding him in place as his back arches like a bow. The position has Jeonghan breaking into him deeper and harder, making it impossible for Soonyoung to find support on his arms. Soonyoung gives in, falling flat onto his face and moaning into the sheets. Jeonghan thrusts with speed, lips traveling down his spine and licking every shudder.

“Yes, yes, Jeong, han, _fuck_ —” Realizing how raw he sounds, Soonyoung covers his mouth again and bites down on his lip. There’s nothing wrong with it, he knows, but he can’t help the fact that he’s not used to hearing himself like this, sounding completely ravaged. Jeonghan’s lips climb back up, gently sucking on his ears. He opens Soonyoung’s mouth, placing his hand inside.

“Go ahead. I don’t mind” He says, rubbing Soonyoung’s tattered lips smooth. “It’s how we did it.” His voice, his words, his hands, they’re so warm and full of affection yet unbelievably contradictory to how he’s fucking him ruthlessly that Soonyoung feels devastated, hopeless and forever impaired. He might actually go crazy.

“Jeonghan, I want to see you.” His body heats up as if he’s not burning up already. There should really be no point in being embarrassed anymore, but he is. “Can I kiss you?”

Jeonghan answers by lifting Soonyoung up. Suddenly they’re facing each other, hips still attached. Gravity comes around, making Soonyoung sink lower and claw for support. He gasps, mind a total frenzy with spurts of pleasure building and building and building—but it’s never enough. Jeonghan fucks relentlessly, hips canting without a break and eating away all of Soonyoung’s cries and moans.

“God, you’re so gorgeous.” Jeonghan says, completely oblivious to how _he_ looks. He’s so beautiful. Why he loves Soonyoung, he’ll never know. It feels like an eternity as they stare at each other, both moving in increasing rhythm and rapid breaths until Soonyoung wraps his arms around Jeonghan’s head and jerks back.

“I love you,” Soonyoung says as he comes, feeling his insides clench. Jeonghan breathes Soonyoung’s name over and over before he spills, and Soonyoung makes sure he sees everything. Down to the last crease between Jeonghan’s brows and how clamped his jaws are when he comes.

“I’m so happy.” Soonyoung whispers, tracing his finger over Jeonghan’s nose and finally getting to touch his long lashes for the first time. “I remember everything.”

“I've been waiting for you to say that for forever.” Jeonghan says, forehead against his. He continues leaning forward and pushes Soonyoung down on his back, kissing him sweetly. “And, I don’t have a problem catching you up on all the sex you’ve missed.”

Soonyoung laughs, reaching to grab what’s been bothering him from under the sheets.

“Oh my god.” He says, throwing the stuffed tiger into Jeonghan’s face. “It’s your stupid tiger.”

“Soonyoungie~” Jeonghan coos, lips curling mischievously. “Do you want to join us?”

“Ugh, gross! Let me get laid in peace for once!” Soonyoung cries, throwing Jeonghan off.

He’s joking, but also realizes he means every single word. Honestly? There’s no way he could live the rest of his life without getting drunk again, nor does he want to live under such restrictions. Jeonghan comes crawling back, arms linking around Soonyoung’s body and tickling him with his lips. Soonyoung threads his fingers through Jeonghan’s hair and it occurs to him that really, it doesn’t seem important anymore. Jeonghan doesn’t care. So why should he?

“I have a story.” Soonyoung says, turning on his side. “It’s about university.”

Jeonghan is a good listener.

They spend half the weekend cooking, watching Netflix, going to the park, the gym, shopping, and otherwise mundane things if they aren’t so glued to the hip. The other half is spent in bed, quite literally, glued to the hip.

[The fuck? TMI?? Blocking you. Bye.] 

Jihoon is so happy for him.

-

“Maybe we should keep it to ourselves for now.”

Soonyoung says, unlacing their fingers when the elevator starts moving up. Jeonghan’s gaze wavers.

“Oh, we’re still a secret?”

“No, no, _Jeonghan—_ ” Soonyoung kisses him, laughing when the older male relaxes. “Just at work. Don’t you have rules about dating your subordinate?”

“No? Maybe?” Jeonghan scowls. “Who cares? I’m the boss.”

“It doesn’t work that way.” Soonyoung teases. The elevator arrives at their floor at that moment, and Soonyoung inserts some distance between them. “I’ll see you at lunch time, Jeonghan-ssi.”

Forty minutes into work, Soonyoung realizes how stupid his idea is. Yoon Jeonghan is now _his_ , and once the concept has been established, it’s like Soonyoung doesn’t care about being a sensible member of a social group. He hates the way how infuriatingly _good_ Jeonghan looks in his white shirt and tie, how smart he is, how funny he is, and how everyone _knows_ he’s smart and funny, and he’s seconds away from climbing on top of his desk and announcing to the whole office that Jeonghan is his boyfriend. Nara swats Jeonghan’s arm in a fit of giggles, and Soonyoung’s pencil breaks. Again.

“What is wrong with you?” Seokmin gapes. Seungkwan sighs and passes his pencil over to Soonyoung.

But Soonyoung is an adult and he’s not going to sacrifice his job or his social stance for some _relationship_. He’s walking down the hall when someone grabs his arm and pulls him into the emergency staircase.

“Soonyoung, I can’t do this.” Jeonghan whines, words coming out smashed against his mouth.

Or maybe he _can_.

Soonyoung closes his eyes and throws his arms around Jeonghan, pulling him close and kissing back, sucking Jeonghan’s upper lip just like how he likes it. 

“Wow.” Jeonghan says when they part, smacking his lips together as if he can taste him. “Let’s do this again. In an hour.”

In exactly fifty-three minutes, Jeonghan visits his cubicle.

“Soonyoung-ssi, can I see you in my office?”

Soonyoung bolts, ignoring everyone’s gazes trailing after him and following Jeonghan into his office. Reaching up to shut the blinds, Jeonghan practically knocks Soonyoung into the wall, initiating a kiss before the two of them could say anything.

“You smell like strawberries.” Jeonghan chuckles when they detach for air. “I told you it’d suit you.” 

“When’s next?” Soonyoung buries his nose into Jeonghan’s collars, catching his breath. “An hour is too long.”

Jeonghan laughs, smoothing out Soonyoung’s disheveled hair. Soonyoung silently wishes that people in the office would notice that Jeonghan smells exactly like him.

Soonyoung tiptoes down the hall, scanning the empty office. It’ll last for half an hour and everyone would be back from lunch. Soonyoung opens the door, closing it behind him and searching for that click indicating that it’s locked. He jerks around when an arm slithers from behind and pushes the lock button for him.

“The copy room? Seriously?” Soonyoung frowns when he sees Jeonghan snicker. “Doesn’t it remind you of something?” _Porn, maybe?_

“And that doesn’t turn you on?” Jeonghan smiles suggestively, playfully walking his two fingers up Soonyoung’s sides. He kisses Soonyoung, closing the distance between them and lifting him on top of the printer. Soonyoung cups Jeonghan’s face, kissing and kissing and kissing, and _god_ , who invented kissing? It was the best thing to grace the earth.

“Mmm, yummy.” Jeonghan giggles, unbuttoning Soonyoung’s shirt. He takes a pinch of skin—just above Soonyoung’s collarbones—between his teeth, gnawing and chewing softly, sucking when Soonyoung starts to moan in slight pain.

“Jeonghan, don’t do that.” Soonyoung whispers, not that Jeonghan will ever listen. He tries to cover himself up when Jeonghan looks up at him with big protesting eyes.

“ _Why,_ ” He drags his voice innocently, “I’ll button you back up nicely.”

Incredibly unfair, since he knows Soonyoung can’t say no when he does that. Soonyoung sits compliantly, revealing one bare shoulder to Jeonghan’s mouth, twitching and gasping whenever Jeonghan bites or sucks too hard.

“There, done.” Jeonghan says proudly, finishing off with a peck. The hickey is _very_ there, vivid against his pale skin and just beginning to bloom purple. Soonyoung glares and Jeonghan grins. “Whenever I feel jealous or insecure, I’ll just remember you have this just below your shirt and it’ll make me feel better.”

As if. Soonyoung snickers, feet dangling off the edge as he gives Jeonghan a light kiss. “We sound toxic.”

There’s a trying turn of the doorknob, and Soonyoung almost falls off the printer. Jeonghan quickly lifts Soonyoung back down, buttons up his shirt, and attempts to step away when they come back crashing together. The strings of their ID cards around their necks have come entangled together—probably when they were making out—and Jeonghan covers Soonyoung’s mouth with his hand before the younger could choke out a groan. They stay still like that for a minute until the person at the door seems to have disappeared, breaking down into a fit of giggles.

“Ouch,” Soonyoung stifles, suppressing laughter, and he believes he’s gone completely head over heels for Jeonghan because nothing can be _this_ hilarious, _this_ absurd, and _this_ silly yet every day with him, there’s _more_.

“That’s it, no more kissing in secret.”

Jeonghan nods, but they both know they could never. 

Soonyoung thinks a day hasn’t lasted this long. Ever. But somehow it does come to an end, and they both jump on the elevator, hands finding each other as soon as the doors slide close.

“Wait!”

Someone cuts in just before they shut, and Soonyoung pulls his hand back so fast that Jeonghan’s linger in mid-air before it falls to his side. 

“Oh, hi! What a day, right?” Nara smiles extra brightly towards one side, squeezing into the space between them. The three of them make pointless small talk until the elevator arrives on the first floor.

“Jeonghan-ssi, do you mind giving me a ride home?” Nara asks, putting on an apologetic smile. “My heels have been killing me all day.”

“Uh,” Jeonghan stalls, eyeing Soonyoung. Nara follows his gaze, and Soonyoung can practically read the look on her face—can’t he read the room? Shouldn’t he be gone by now? Soonyoung should find it funny, but something hot bubbles from deep within his chest. 

“Umm, sorry, Nara-ssi. I have to, uh, go somewhere tonight—” Jeonghan starts, but Soonyoung cuts in.

“Oh, come on.” He says good-naturedly, walking past her and intertwining his fingers into Jeonghan’s. “Let’s give her a ride before we go home. Where do you live, Nara-ssi?”

Nara’s jaw drops, dumbfounded, her cheeks starting to flush red in embarrassment.

“Oh, um, never mind.” She stutters, “I can call a friend.”

“Oh,” Soonyoung feigns concern, playing dumb. “Are you sure?”

Nara nods before she rushes away. 

Jeonghan steals a look when Nara disappears, pretending to gasp when Soonyoung wipes the fake smile off his face. “Wow, you can be mean.” He snickers, squeezing Soonyoung’s hands. “I love it.”

“She’s been all over you since day one.”

Jeonghan practically gloats. “Are you being jealous right now, Kwon Soonyoung?”

“ _No._ ” Soonyoung grumbles, heading towards their car. “And by the way, can you stop pretending to be straight?”

Jeonghan giggles, clearly amused and enjoying every second of it. Once they start driving, the cool breeze passes through his nose and calms him down enough for him to grasp the depth of what he’s just done.

“Oh god, she's going to tell everyone. What if they transfer you?” Soonyoung asks, suddenly alarmed. He turns towards Jeonghan who drives without a single trace of concern on his face. “Oh my god, what if they fire _me?_ ”

Jeonghan laughs. “That’s not gonna happen.”

“How can you be so sure?” Soonyoung asks dubiously, his face expressing total distrust and causing Jeonghan to point and laugh again. 

“I just know.” He says.

Soonyoung forgets about the whole thing—at least for the night—when Jeonghan parks their car in front of a familiar restaurant.

Soonyoung gets out, whipping around and beaming. “This is—”

“Where I took you out after my failed attempt at flirting.” Jeonghan finishes for him, holding out his hand. Soonyoung grabs it as Jeonghan says, “You thought I was a horrible boss.”

Everything is the same—the dazzling chandelier over their heads, the smooth jazz music, fancy waiters, and the amazing steak that Jeonghan had lured him with. Everything, except for them, sitting across the same table they’d sat last time.

“Yoon Jeonghan, I didn’t know you were the romantic kind.” Soonyoungs hums, a little excited by all the fanciness. He hadn’t had the leisure to enjoy it the last time he was here.

“It’s where we got off on the wrong start.” Jeonghan says, playing around with his wine glass. “I wanted to make it right.”

“Well, if you hadn’t suggested we play our dumb game, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.”

Jeonghan gives him a smile, but it’s not enough. Besides, Soonyoung should be the one to make it right.

“Seriously.”

He says, hoping he sounds as genuine as he feels.

“Let’s tell everybody. Let’s be one of those disgusting couples with no shame in PDA. Third wheel all of our best friends. Set each other as emergency contacts. Anything you want, as long as you love me.” 

Jeonghan’s smile grows bigger, eyes sparkling as he catches onto what Soonyoung is doing.

“What exactly are you suggesting?” He says, just the way Soonyoung expected him to.

“Yoon Jeonghan,” Soonyoung suppresses the laughter that rises in his throat. “Do you want to be a disgusting couple with me?”

“Alright, fine.”

Jeonghan beams.

“Let’s do it.”

-

**(back story: aka the story untold)**

“Let me get this straight.” Joshua says, chagrin bursting with every syllable. “You’re asking us to find the guy you fucked last night.” 

“Not _any_ guy, dumbass.” Jeonghan snaps, leaning against the pool table. He looks at his other friend, Seungcheol, for support. “He said something about working at SVT Cosmetics.”

“Wow. What are the odds?” Seungcheol offers in the middle of polishing his cue stick, absolutely no soul in his voice. “Your turn, Josh.”

Joshua strikes, shooting a colour ball straight into the intended pocket. “We have _hundreds_ of employees at our company.” He straightens and narrows his eyes. “You should know. Like, doesn’t your mom run the place?”

“ _Yes._ ” Jeonghan retorts. “So? Have you not seen any dramas? I can still choose my own path and dream.”

Joshua shakes his head.

“Why are you so stuck on this guy?” Seungcheol laughs. “Go to a different bar and pick a different guy.”

Jeonghan wonders the same thing, but he’s been coming to the same conclusion each time.

“He’s interesting.”

Joshua cocks his brows. “You don’t even know him.”

“I know he’s _special._ ”

“What his name?”

“…He’s _special._ ”

Joshua rolls his eyes. “How.”

“Well, he’s really cute. Has these sharp pointy eyes but somehow still has a soft baby face.”

Seungcheol hums in response, attention actually steered towards the ball he’s about to knock out.

“I thought he was funny because he ordered rum and coke without the rum. And then the weirdest thing happened.”

“Yeah?” Seungcheol aims. He shoots.

“He started acting like an animal. A tiger, to be exact.”

He misses.

“And came onto me. Like _hardcore._ ” Jeonghan smirks and winks at Joshua who looks mildly repulsed. “And you know. I don’t mind a little role-playing.”

“Wait,” Seungcheol rubs his brows warily. “Was this guy drunk?”

“Yeah.” Jeonghan replies. “Funniest thing actually—wait. Why? Do you know him?”

“Shut _up_ ,” Joshua yells, almost throwing a piece of chalk at Seungcheol. “Don’t tell me Yoon Jeonghan just asked us to look for the most randomest person he found to entertain his dick with, and you actually fucking _did_.”

“One thing though.” Seungcheol says, sounding regretful. “He might be getting fired.”

“What? Why?”

"He, uh, messed up big time with the new project."

“ _Ohh._ Is that the guy?” Joshua exclaims in recognition, “Oh yeah. He’s definitely getting the sack.”

“Oh come on, I’m sure whatever he did isn’t that bad. I’m still rich, that’s solid proof.”

Jeonghan stretches over the entire pool table, messing up the balls. (“ _Yoon Jeonghan!_ ” Joshua screams.)

“You can’t fire him, he’s super cuteeeeeeeeee—”

“Sorry, Jeonghan. It’s not up to us.” Seungcheol shrugs. “I also tried, since I was the one who promoted him but,”

“That’s fine.” Jeonghan says, rearranging himself on his side and rolling all the balls into the table's pockets. “Mom’s been really bugging me lately about coming to the company and learning, so.”

He grins, mischief already spreading across his smiling face that he practically _glows_.

“About time I make her dream come true and be a good son.”

Joshua throws his cue stick at him.

“You are _so_ annoying.”

**Author's Note:**

> TMI time  
> -i sort of felt really guilty when i first started this fic but every now and then ksy would call himself a tiger and it made me feel a lot better and it gave me the energy to continue  
> -i apologize for the non-kinky smut even though it was supposed to be kinky plot-wise... i just lack the skillsㅠㅠ  
> -the whole time as i was writing this fic i was thinking of fear!yjh... you know... our superior black haired fear_era!yjh... and i'd die a little bit  
> -please love soonhan a lot
> 
> i hope you enjoyed. any kudos or comments are greatly appreciated!


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